34 Questions I live by to conquer Depression and Rediscover My True Self.

They say life can be a beautiful illusion, yet navigating its ups and downs becomes easier when you truly understand who you are at your core.

Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash

For a long time now, I have suffered from severe self-doubt and there are always niggling voices behind my head questioning everything that is happening to me.

Like literally everything, when I eat, I go shit everything is a doubt to me….

I used to look in the mirror and bombard myself with ‘maybes’

— Maybe you are not good enough

— Maybe if you were a bit more extrovert

— Maybe if you were bit more beautiful

— Maybe if you have graduated from a better college

— Maybe if you have mad friends and be nice to everyone

— Maybe if you have had real parents

— Maybe if you have taken a better course

— Maybe if you have ……..

These doubts shaped my self-worth. If people treated me poorly, I’d think it was because I lacked some form of “perfection.”

In hindsight, the mind is a funny thing. It’s both the questioner and the jury, filling us with negative affirmations.

And it even has a scientific name — Confabulation.

Confabulation is a type of memory error in which gaps in a person’s memory are unconsciously filled with fabricated, misinterpreted, or distorted information.1 When someone confabulates, they are confusing things they have imagined with real memories.

It’s less about a memory problem and more about a crisis of self-awareness.

Scientists might have some reasonable explanation for why this happens and all, but I am no scientist, still, I found a REAL way to save myself from the embarrassment of degrading myself in front of me…

At the end of the day, how you feel about yourself matters.

So, I turned to Google — the modern-day oracle — but found no ultimate answer….

Until an Instagram reel showed up (my then brain didn't save it), enlightening me about the power of asking yourself the right questions.

She talked about questions you ask yourself about your partner and the way you answer them determines if you really want to stay with them or leave them.

That made me realize, that maybe there will be questions that I can ask myself to find who truly I am, and what I want in life….

Then I found this article.

Apparently, they have more than 80+ questions and situations you can put yourself to understand yourself better…. Although I cannot go through each of them here, I will lowdown on the ones that helped me overcome my Self-doubt and get unstuck from my current rut.

Disclaimer: Although I wish I knew this before, use it with caution coz, overdoing something (particularly like this) might push you to deeper levels of depression & anxiety.

Breaking Down the Self- Introspection Questions

According to the article, there are two types of Introspection — Informal and formal.

• Informal Introspection — It is a regular type of self-examination, where you reflect on your own thoughts & actions.
• Formal Introspection — It is more of a step-by-step approach, where you train yourself, to reflect on your own thoughts & actions in an unbiased manner. Meaning, without the influence of any other societal or external values or beliefs you had. It's just what is what — that’s it.

Both are effective, but not every reflective question requires you to take the formal approach, so it is better to use them when you need to really come out of touch situation that is bothering your peace & involves ONLY you.

Again, these are only my thoughts and perceptions so you can do what you feel right!

In most of these self-introspection questions that you ask yourself, make sure to focus more on ‘What’ questions rather than ‘Why’.

The reason being, Why questions, often try to find solutions and might trigger negative emotions and you may end up feeling worse.

So focus on What questions — that help you identify your true self, which is buried in some nuisance.

Get Your Pen, Paper, or Book, and Start writing now!

These are the questions, that I practice and try to incorporate while I am feeling negative or low about myself. I suggest doing One per day.

These questions may look basic at first glance but trust me, they drill deep:

1. Who I am in real as a person?
2. What are my worries — about my future or life relationship or career or health….
3. If today is my last day, what will I do? and will I do it every day?
4. What are my biggest fears currently?
5. Is there anything that I am holding even if I subconsciously know that it is not worth my mental peace or hold?
6. If money is not a priority to me, what will I do today?
7. How often do I find myself questioning my worth and If I can do anything to avoid those, what will they be?
8. How many times did I smile today?
9. What makes me smile more?
10. Who did I make today smile?
11. If I had a kid today with me, what is the one habit that I want my kid to learn?
12. What is my comfort and what is out of my comfort?
13. When was the last time, I did something out of my comfort and how I felt about it? And If I had to do it again, what would I do this time better?
14. If I love someone, will I try to show them through acts of service/ tell them through words /give them gifts? (this shows what you are expecting from them)
15. What do I think my biggest calling in life is?
16. What other people think about me matters to me ? If yes, then what did they do to me to occupy that important place in my life? If no, why do I think I have to please them in what I do?
17. If I can list down any 30 things, I have done or dream to do in my entire course of life, what will they be?
18. If words are limited, what are the 10 words that I will use to describe yourself to the world?
19. So far in your life, when was I last time, you cried silently and felt ‘I wish people knew this about me’ — write those thoughts and what will you do to keep doing that again in your life.
20. Whenever I am talking to someone, do I feel the urge to relate to my personal life & talk about it? If yes, then what will happen if I stop doing that? If no, then did anyone tell me ‘you are a good listener’?
21. Do I think, I know everything about the work I am doing? If yes, then what am I doing to implement everything I know? If not, what are my current plans to learn more?
22. What are the principles I live by in my life and who else are there around me who follow those?
23. Who are the 10 people in this entire world (live or dead) I admire the most and, list 5 qualities of each one and what I can do to have those quality.
24. Is ‘public me’ and ‘private me’ the same? if not how are they different?
25. On a scale of 1–10 if I had to rate how important I am to myself, what rank will I give myself? (1 being the least)
26. When was the last time, I treated myself for my smallest of small wins?
27. When was the last time, I missed a lifetime opportunity? If I get it again, what will I do differently to achieve this time?
28. How much time do I spend every week to develop myself?
29. How much time every week I spend scrolling through reels or mobile, procrastinating work — If I can do anything to avoid it, what will it be?
30. Am I happy in my body? Why?
31. What do you think you NEED to achieve the goals you have kept for yourself? and are they really REQUIRED?
32. Do I communicate openly what I want? and How I want it? Or I am expecting others to treat me based on my actions?
33. What kind of movies do I watch more and why do I like them?
34. When was the last time, I acted in a certain way to please others? And why do their judgments matter to me the most?

Practice, Practice, practice….

As much as these questions might feel overwhelming, I highly suggest going one per day.

You don’t want to overdo them and just feel awkward for yourself. Slowly it takes time.

Here are the steps you can take throughout the journey of self-reflection:

1. Sit in a calm place and pick one question and without stopping write everything that comes to your brain.
2. Once done writing, close the book, keep it aside, and sit calmly for some time — if you prefer meditation, do it and visualize that you are doing everything positive.
3. After 5–10 min, move from that place leave the question or answer, and move on with your daily chores.
4. Before you sleep, read what you have written and again go to sleep thinking about positive things that could happen to you.

I have started a 30-day Story series on Instagram, chronicling my steps to rise from the ashes of depression & planning to share everything that I am currently doing to focus on SELF.

Feel free to join me as we board on this self-discovery odyssey together on Instagram :)