Conflict shouts love

“I know I love my partner, he says he loves me but lately we are always arguing. The same with my dad. Is this Love?”.

Welcome and embrace this situation. See it as an opportunity to create a deeper understanding and connection with your loved one.

Yes, unfortunately, unwanted conflicts or arguments can be a part of love. Love is joy, pain, sunshine, and rain. It’s not all happy times.

Arguments, misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts can be disheartening and distressing. Especially if it is with someone you love and care about. It can certainly make you question whether this is love. Whether we like it or not, conflict can arise even if two people are compatible. True love is worth the effort and more often than none provides a solution. Now I’m not suggesting people should stay in a verbally or physically abusive relationship but rather give it a go. Unfortunately, divorce and separations are all too common and are on the rise in today’s world. Gone are the days when a couple marries for life. If there are, it is among the minority in today’s western society. Sometimes I wonder if this is because we live in a face paced, dispensable and replaceable society? And that we think everything should come fast and easy, therefore if things are bad or don’t work out it’s time for us to bail out or replace it with a newer model?

If we come to the mindset of thinking that people are commodities and are easily replaceable, we will never really know the true worth and value each person and what a situation brings to our life. Thus the value of relationships and love becomes a commodity rather than a specialized product of love. Deep down, we all want Love but it depends on you and the quality in which we attain it. So keeping this in mind lets re structure how we see arguments to provide a loving solution to your dilemma.

Let’s look at conflict as an amazing opportunity to love!

When conflict and misunderstandings arise, it is actually offering you a wonderful chance to develop and understand you and your loved one better. It alludes to the fact that you and your beloved need to understand each other’s communication styles more clearly. When we communicate in anger and use hurtful words of accusations, what we are really saying is “ I don’t think you care about what I think and want ” or “ I don’t feel listened to”.

The real reason why conflict arises is that one party feels hurt or afraid. Afraid of not having our needs met, thus feeling hurt that our feelings were not acknowledged and comforted. The common reason why people verbally attack the other is really a self-defense mechanism built in to protect our feelings when they have been overlooked by a loved one. They have disclosed a vulnerable part of themselves as an offering to the other for a deeper connection. The way it is acknowledged and received by the other determines the experience. Whether it arises in conflict or not.

You have asked this question today because you are in need of healing from conflicts that arise from fear. Fear of being misunderstood, fear of not having our needs met, fear of being overlooked and fear of our feelings not being validated. Fear and vulnerability in love is a natural part of the process and is a part of being human. Being human means that you will occasionally experience conflict. Whether you are the perpetrator, victim, passive or aggressive one, it is a dynamic we enter when we feel we are not heard, understood or accepted.

When conflicts or arguments arise with someone, try not to walk away, ignore it or become aggressive and hurtful. Rather learn to embrace conflict and see it as an opportunity to love. With love, I mean looking at the situation as an opportunity to understand the other, yourself and the situation with more clarity and compassion.

To do this is as simple as asking or responding to the other in a calm and caring manner and saying:-
“What do you really mean by that?” Or
“How do you feel if I told you this is how I see and feel about the situation?”

Just by asking these two simple questions, you are able to shift the argument into a more healing level. Once this is created it is more likely that the argument will transform into a heart to heart conversation and make way for open and honest communication that opens the door to a possible resolution.

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Wounded Healer Love-Valentinna Mehdizadeh
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