The Panic Attack That Saved My Life
It was the evening of November 19, 2019.
I was getting ready to play cards with my mother when I felt faint, just as I took my place in the chair to start the game. I dragged myself to the nearby sofa, feeling a sudden heaviness in my chest; I tried to grab the air around me in big bites as chills began to spread throughout my body.
My mother stared at me, pale and trembling. My mouth suddenly went dry. Then, with the last thread of voice I had left, I whispered, “I love you, Mom.”
I felt myself dying, and the fear intensified as those feelings devoured my whole body.
After I first experienced what a panic attack meant without knowing it, I immediately underwent endless medical examinations, all with the same result: I was perfectly healthy.
All of this led me to think for a long time how it was possible, how not even the doctors in the first place had recognised the cause of my malaise.
The real problem is that there is more than one way to define them.
I had never heard of them before, and despite my excellent health, from that day onward, I always felt a fear that followed me wherever I went and whatever I did.
To work.
At parties.
With my family and friends.
There was nothing I could do to make it go away.
Panic attacks often visit us when we least expect them, making us feel helpless and out of control. I remember looking in the mirror after that day and seeing endless fear as if all the joy in the world had been torn from me all at once.
“I am the ghost of myself”, I thought.
That panic attack was my body’s most effective wake-up call.
For many of us, the burden of keeping up with the pace imposed by society can be overwhelming. We are constantly reminded that only those who work hard and go the extra mile can achieve great things. However, this mindset of only sacrifice can come at a very high cost. This endless projection of the super-ego, constantly productive and on the move, can make us feel exhausted, depleted and disconnected from ourselves.
Since I started suffering from panic attacks, I began to rediscover my priorities. At the end of the day, I started asking myself what really mattered if that was the last day of my life.
I felt like a small child again. I had to start learning to leave the house alone and go to the supermarket again, afraid I would not come back alive.
It was only when I was forced to slow down that I recognised the true pleasures of life: finding joy in the small, everyday moments, such as watching someone I love laugh, savouring the aroma of a steaming cup of coffee, or simply enjoying a walk in nature during the week.
In my journey of self-discovery, I realised that slowing down did not mean giving up on our goals and ambitions; on the contrary, it meant digging deeper to understand our real purposes and separating them from what are often just vanity metrics — being able to use our energy more intentionally.
Remembering that we only have one life and should make the most of it is crucial. However, we should refrain from constantly pushing ourselves; sometimes, slowing down and enjoying the moment is key.
If you are also struggling with anxiety or panic attacks, know you are not alone. It is critical to look for effective ways how to deal with panic attacks, talk to trusted people and also to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy professional who can provide you with the tools and support you need.
Do not be afraid to ask for help.
My experience with panic attacks was a curse and at the same time, the beginning of my search for freedom; it gave me the courage to see the chains with which I had imprisoned myself, the mechanisms and desires that did not truly belong to me.
I discovered parts of me that I had long forgotten; I found again that child full of passion and wonder that I had locked up within the grey walls of a world full of fearful adults. Today we are increasingly taught to be afraid to talk about our authentic emotions and to be vulnerable in a society where asking for help is a weakness rather than a strength for deeper human connection.
