Valerie Oguchi
Jul 25, 2017 · 2 min read

PS: This is not a suicide note….

As i stood there in the bathroom with a bowl of water in my hands and unending tears roll down my cheeks, ‘why the fuck am I crying? Why the fuck am I crying? Are these tears of regrets , regrets for what, these are tears filled with questions, the same questions I’ve been asking since i could spell my name, well 😒I could spell my name really early so let’s use another example,since.. well since I can remember, ‘what the fuck is happening?, what the fuck am I doing?, what the fuck is this? what the fuck, what the fuck..

I can’t do it, I’m not gonna do it, maybe I should do it, but hey, I called CHESTER BENNINGTON a Coward for doing it , i dont even have the balls,wait my sister,my only sister,what’s she gonna think of me,what’s gonna happen to her….At this point i had forgotten why i was asking these questions in the first place,…

What do you do when you’re a 23 year old poor Nigerian girl without a job,and every single nigga you met turned out to be an Ass, just when you thought you had some sort of consolation..haha!

I stood there questioning God ;I’ve been grateful, I’ve been frigging grateful! I have been grateful, I’ve said “thank you” in worse situations,I’ve stopped complaining,I’ve tried to be good, well…😒 I’m a fornicator,well who isn’t for fucks sakes?! I need some sort of consolation, I haven’t really had it easy in this gadamn life, who brings a child into this world , takes her parents away from her at age 5/6, lets her live with shitty people for a shitty 9years in a shitty town, separated from her only blood sister since birth,didn’t even finish her education because she couldnt afford it, had her sister raped by her shitty uncle, can’t even afford a roof over their heads ,and oh put shitty men in her life to fuck shit up every time,the least I could get was a good love story…that was the least you could offer as “consolation”

Is it too much that I’m asking for ? I just want to be consoled…

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