Read this if you've declared yourself as independent

Have you ever felt like an observer in life, watching what happens in front of you from the sideline?

Living in solitude and thriving off of it can feel like both a blessing and a curse. Not feeling the desire to rely on anyone for anything and feeling most comfortable processing life's challenges in our own headspace among the chaos of the world can feel liberating but might seem distant when compared to the seemingly dependent relationships we are expected to search for.

Some of us might intrinsically withdraw from any form of codependency not just by being an introvert, but by nature. Whether it's imprinted in our character, our personality, the essence of our being or it's simply grown from a coping mechanism into a lifestyle, it's important to utilize this state of emotional independence to our benefit. In the end, it's our natural habitat, our own specific recipe for success and we deserve to know to successfully bake the cake that is called life.

No one is an island, but some people must drift from the shore in order to stay afloat. It might take some of us some time (or a lot of time) to realize that being our own island or exclave is just how we are programmed to perform best. The society we live in is hyperobsessed with relationships, be it friends, romantic relationships or undying family loyalty.

Those who do not view building these types of relationships, especially romantic relationships, as a lifegoal, are often seen as either bitter individuals who have given up the ultimate quest to happiness or non-social and distant people. It’s not to say these individuals cannot be social people, they exist in both introvert and extrovert flavours and can definitely be surrounded by a flock of friends, relatives, acquintainces, have a significant other and be the life of the party. However, when it truly comes down to it, they stray and might even disappear.

The thing that seems to set us apart from our surroundings is usally the feeling that creeps up on us when we are confronted with certain groups or formations of people where each person seems to have a certain role, there's a hierarchy in place that is expected to be followed or social control keeps track on everyone's ins and outs. Examples of these groups are fraternities/sororities, close knitted families, suffocating relationships, town populations and any other types of ensembles that match the criteria mentioned above.

Usually these types of groups posess a certain status quo and form of responsibility among their members in sense of decisions or behaviour. People who shy away from these types of social engagements tend to feel like they don't belong in these types of groups anyway or feel no desire to belong in one either. Not always necessarily out of pretentiousness or pretenses of demonstrative independency but often times merely because their emotional and social needs differ from those who seek their salvation in others.

How to ensure the integrity of this preferred autonomy?

1. Acknowledge and accept

A major cliché but true nevertheless: if you are someone who, regardless of your number of friendships and/or relationships, doesn't have the desire to fit into groups, abide by anyone's laws (this does not apply to the actual law), or feels like depending on others emotionally, financially or any other way: don't. Attempts to comply will feel against your nature.

Surround yourself only with people who respect your independence, those who don't will only expect a commitment you will not be able to reciprocate and will be inevitably be disappointed.

Being on your own and not having to rely on anyone is a great thing and if handled correctly a gift that keeps on giving. Accept that you prefer to be on your own, to make your own decisions and that you will probably not be part of this or that group. They probably don't like each other anyway and it saves you a headache.

2. You reap what you sow

It is of great importance to realize that you, being on your own and not depending on others, have an advantage over people who are less emotionally independent. You have the mental space, time and opportunity to truly work on yourself as a person, to grow and develop into a more evolved version of yourself. Use this opportunity to find your interests, talents without being withheld by judgement of others. You are your own project and your investments will directly be returned into you. Create a life for yourself that caters to your needs and eliminates factors that do not serve you.

3. Mentor yourself

Being on your own can be great and beneficial, but it also means that when the clouds start to turn grey you are also the one to keep yourself from getting blue. In order to rely on yourself you must be able to trust yourself, even when you seem to hit rock bottom. Take a good hard look at yourself, evaluate your behaviour and responses to unexpected hardships. Are you satisfied with yourself? Can you truly say you act out of your own best interest?

Build a foundation of self knowledge, self love and be brutally honest with yourself about your weak spots. There is no use in denying or sugarcoating your weaknesses to yourself, you must learn to work with them. If you are not disciplined, either work on becoming more disciplined or work around it. Prepare yourself for hardships, mentally, financially and emotionally; they will come eventually. Knowledge is power, and knowing yourself is the greatest power you can have. Prioritize your own wellbeing over anything that is ultimately of insignificance.

4. Exit the tunnel

Even the greatest selfdevelopment plan will require interaction with other people in order to learn from them and to form connections and create a network. Thriving on being on your own does not mean closing yourself off completely from other people and ignoring everyone around you. Cherish the people in your life who accept you and your straying nature, and actively avoid creating a tunnelvision in your beliefs, education and world view. Being independent must not become your downfall, be open to what the world has to offer you and keep an open mind to what those around you have to say.