Whether you have been diagnosed as autistic from a young age, or were diagnosed later in life, chances are you have struggled for a long time with fitting into a society that was not built for you. Speaking up for your own needs remains a chore, one which often leaves you scorned or ostracized by those who choose not to understand.
Of course, research and information about autism diagnoses is increasing by the day, and as such, the autistic community is following in suit by raising awareness and understanding via the internet. In the golden age of social media, we are all more connected than ever, and that connection only grows as time goes on. Now autistic individuals have a much more accessible medium to interact, share experiences, and gain self-advocacy skills which will allow them to bring awareness of autism to the greater neurotypical community off-screen.
Below, I will detail ways you can practice self-care as an autistic person, and educate others on your needs, strengths, and limitations. The neurotypical world can be a scary place for autistics, and sometimes even for neurotypicals themselves. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Together, we can make an active choice to better the world for everyone, and before we can do that, we must start by advocating for our autistic needs.
1. Accept that you are different, and always will be.
This is far and away the most important step in this list, as you cannot be accepted by others if you do not first accept yourself. But just as it’s the most important step, it can also be the most difficult for some.
Autism comes with a range of social and neurological difficulties, such as fundamental differences in communication style, noise, light, and touch sensitivities, low social and physical battery, disorganized emotional regulation, a slew of physical health issues, and much more. These are things that can worsen or better with age, but are most often present from birth and persist throughout one’s lifetime.
It can be very difficult to accept yourself as an autistic person, when your various missteps and social faux-pas are often seen as personal failures by the neurotypical world. It’s no secret that as a society, we have certain unspoken rules in place that we are expected to follow flawlessly. Anytime we don’t meet these expectations — which are often changing depending on the context of the situation — we are seen as weird, lazy, rude, or stubborn. Often these social rules are inconsequential, but as humans we have a certain idea of what — or who — is “normal”, and what or who is an “other.”
So, it is important that as an autistic person, you give yourself grace and recognize that these rules were designed for certain types of people and certain types of brains. Many of these rules are unnecessary, and we shouldn’t view them as some sort of personal failing. It is okay to choose to be different.
2. Learn to drop the mask.
Masking is a well-known concept in the autistic community, and can often serve as a huge detriment not only to the masked autistic, but to the entire autistic community as a whole.
As stated before, in our society there is a strong — but subtle — emphasis on fitting into the standard template of personhood, lest one risk being marked as a social outcast. This is something that is drilled into our heads from birth, and can be so deeply embedded within us that it feels impossible to shake. Because of this, autistic people learn to mask from a young age, and conceal their autistic proclivities so they can appear normal and fit in with their peers.
Such examples of masking autism include forcing eye contact and small talk, suppressing stims (self-stimulatory behaviors, such as rocking, flapping, humming, tapping fingers, etc.), being overly attentive to bosses, coworkers, and family members, shifting conversation away from themselves to avoid revealing more polarizing interests and personality traits, and mimicking the movements and language of others. Essentially, to mask autism is to act your way through life, performing a tailored version of yourself to make neurotypicals feel more comfortable being around you. Just getting through a single day can be emotionally and physically draining experience for autistic people.
However, in reality, it is not the autistic individual’s responsibility to suppress their needs and instincts to appeal to people who are likely judging them anyway. Autistic people are often infantilized, dismissed, and chastised by the people in their lives, simply for having a different way of being and viewing the world. Autistic people should not feel obligated to defer to the needs of others, when their own needs are denied them time and time again.
Often, when a person is diagnosed as autistic later in life, it can lead to a complete system reboot, in which they have to re-examine their entire life through this new lens of autism. It lends to the realization of where, when, and how they have been masking, and can cause an intense personal crisis in which they know they have to re-create their entire identity as a newly autistic person. Of course, while the experience can be daunting and overwhelming, in the end it means the autistic person now has the knowledge and language to understand themselves much more intimately.
This often involves noticing the subtle ableism and discrimination that can happen in the workplace, where social expectations are upheld at the highest level. And, as we all know, managers are usually not the most understanding or accommodating people. Which leads me into the next step:
3. Requesting necessary accommodations, and knowing your limits.
Once you have taken the time to wrap your head around your diagnosis, you may start seeing areas in your work and home life that could be improved upon to accommodate you accordingly. For the sake of brevity, we will focus on work, as that is where the most obvious — and most stressful — occurrences of ableism and discrimination occur.
So, your boss has gotten onto you for being too slow, being too sensitive, or communicating inefficiently. Now what? Well, with an autism diagnosis (which, it should be acknowledged, can be very inaccessible to acquire), you now have legal protections to act as a safety net should your boss react negatively to your disclosure, or request for autism accommodations.
It can feel as though it’s you against your upper management team, and that can sometimes be the case. Bosses are known for wanting to take as many shortcuts as possible, and prioritize the company’s bottom line over the wellbeing of their employees. As such, it is important to come equipped with knowledge and legal backing before disclosing your autism diagnosis and requesting accommodations.
You can try approaching HR before speaking to your boss directly, or contacting organizations such as Job Accommodation Network for support and resources. There are also some official forms available to fill out detailing your needs as an autistic person in the workplace. It’s not quite the same as consulting with a disability advocate or autism specialist, but it can signal to your employer that your autism accommodations are legitimate, and should be taken seriously.
If discrimination continues following your disclosure, you may have legal ground to file a complaint, or seek further help from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (or EEOC), who will work with you to resolve the issue with workplace disability discrimination.
4. Moving forward with an authentically neurodivergent life.
This is a step that will take time, but once it is mastered and maintained, it will continue to serve you as an autistic person to lead the happiest, healthiest, and most fulfilling autistic life possible.
Something like this may mean learning to integrate into a neurotypical community which accepts you for all of your autistic eccentricities, or it may mean living outside of the social norm and creating a life for yourself that suits your needs as an autistic person. For many, this means self-employment, or working outside of the usual full-time office or blue-collar job. This way, you can set your own expectations, schedule, deadlines, etc. As an autistic person, it is very possible that you have at least one natural talent you can call upon to provide yourself with a sustainable income. This will not be true across the board, but with the current age of the internet, it is easier than ever to start freelancing, or selling homemade products and services. If you think you may have a few special talents you could capitalize on, head over to Fiverr and peruse the different services other freelancers are offering to see if any of them may be an option for you.
For others, freelancing — or working at all, for that matter — is much more inaccessible and just won’t prove to be an option. Often these autistic individuals live off of disability, which provides a very measly, basic income that hardly covers the essential expenses of life, such as rent, utilities, transportation, groceries, and healthcare. This is one of many major flaws in the system, and one that needs major overhauling and reworking in order to provide everyone with their basic needs to live a fulfilling life — whether autistic, neurotypical, or otherwise disabled. For these individuals, there are few options besides living with the support of a caretaker. Disability can also sometimes come with stipulations, such as not being allowed to make big purchases, or not having more than a certain amount of cash in savings. This leaves many disabled people stuck at the bottom of the totem pole with no way out.
It is important for everyone who is willing and able to do their part in changing the narrative surrounding autism. Being autistic in a neurotypical world can be painful, stressful, devastating, and even impossible at times — but for those who have the privilege of doing so, being out and proud about your autism is imperative in raising awareness and acceptance of our needs. If we manage to pull this off, the autistic community may just start being appreciated and celebrated for their strengths, accomplishments, and unique perspective on life.
It may seem like an undoable task, but with enough small voices shouting we can create a strong, resounding boom that no neurotypical will be able to ignore. Once you feel confident enough in yourself, please, live your autistic life with openness and pride, and someday, the rest of the world will follow.
