I Feel Like a Fraud
When you come from truth, you can always create movement.
I feel like a fraud today.
In my Weightless Health Coaching group, one of my coaches shared this with me. I asked him, “What is something you know to be true but don’t want to admit?”
He said, “All that’s popping up right now is that I’m a fraud. I keep letting people think I know a few things, but I have no clue what I’m doing. I am not a professional, I am not making money, and I am especially good at staying busy to avoid impactful action… like REALLY good at it.”
He went on to share how much stress he’s bringing his kids by working so much… and it’s still not enough. How angry he is at himself for not doing more sooner and having more to show for how much he works. He’s angry at himself for still having a job he hates and keeping himself busy, preventing himself from doing the work he loves.
My heart cracks open and I feel this pain. I’ve been there. And it’s so.fucking.hard.
When you get into this space, everything feels overwhelming. Small steps seem useless, and you begin to look to massive leaps to make a big change. The big leaps feel impossible and overwhelming. So instead, you peel off and just do something you know you’re good at or busy work that at least feels productive in the moment.
But the productivity leaves you feeling empty, because in your heart, you know it didn’t create impact. And you feel like a fraud. How the HELL are you supposed to help others when you’re such a mess yourself?
I shared with this coach that I totally got it. In fact, I felt like a fraud, too.
The last few weeks, I’ve been tired. Like really tired. I got sick from a wisdom tooth, then had it pulled, then was tired from that. Then I got drunk on Saturday (…so, ok I get why I was tired Monday), and then I got sick.
My schedule has been packed (over-scheduled) the last 3 weeks, and I was angry at myself for doing that. Because when that happens, the thought of coaching exhausts me. When I feel this way, clients cancel their calls. This happens almost every time.
When I create cancellations that way, fuck, I beat myself up and feel like a fraud. Nasty thoughts creep in: “Don’t you want to coach? You’re so ungrateful. You don’t deserve these clients.”
One option is to push through, toughen up, and get over it. This option rarely works.
The other option is to step back.
What do I want?
What’s contributing to the way I’m feeling?
How could I shift it to shift my experience?
What can I do today to start?
When I answer those myself, I realize that scheduling is critical for me. I want to feel energized and inspired when I get on my calls. So I have to take care of myself to get there. Exercise, rest, sleep.
I need to not try to do a million things between calls.
I need time off. Weeks off here and there.
I need to not stress about the future.
I need to meditate. I NEED to meditate. Mediation is required for me. Like breathing.
What we all need is to be where we are, in truth. When you come from truth, you can always create movement. When you resist what you feel, or judge it, it acts like inertia. Keeping you stuck until you work through it.
But what if working through it is the long way around? What if just working with it allows you to never stop moving in the first place?
Today, I can meditate. I can drink tea, put essential oils on my throat, and be honest to my tribe about how I feel. I can call myself out and be authentic and teach from this place.
Being a powerful leader and coach is not about getting to the “other side” and then drawing a map for our clients to meet us there. It’s about leading vulnerably, honestly, and with love.
This is how we serve. By connecting to our truth and sharing it. It’s not as much about “correcting” the belief, feeling, or illusion as much as it is being with it.
This post and conversation inspired my video on 4 Steps to Create Endless Content. When you watch it, you’ll understand why AND solve your content creation problem: