HOGWARTS HOROSCOPES: Cancers in the Castle

You spend a lot of your time by the Great Lake. You’re pretty sure the Giant Squid just gets you.

Vanessa Rodrigues
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read
Cancer symbol in scarlet and gold / image by Vanessa Moody

Gryffindor

Your family is quietly relieved you’re a Gryffindor, but that’s just one more mystery for them to figure out about you. You spend a lot of your time by the Great Lake (you’re pretty sure the Giant Squid just gets you), and develop special ink that allows your in-class doodles to animate on the page. Your best friends convince you to start circulating these comic strips, which become immensely popular among housemates who pretend to understand your high humor. Ugh. You join dueling club “just to see what it was about,” and end up taking on the Slytherin Head Girl. It doesn’t end well for you, but your friends have your back. You all convince the house elves to spoil you with desserts and butterbeer.

Cancer symbol in yellow and black / image by Vanessa Moody

Hufflepuff

You always knew you’d be a Hufflepuff, but that didn’t keep you from feeling all the feels when the Sorting Hat called it out. Sure, you trust the hat and love your home, but the curiosity is real. Why Hufflepuff? Couldn’t you have thrived in Slytherin or Ravenclaw, too? You spend a lot of your time by the Great Lake (you’re pretty sure the Giant Squid just gets you), and finagle your way to quidditch captain because your ability to bring out the best in each team member is nothing short of magical. Your housemates all love you, but they love everyone, so it’s tough to be sure. When everyone is so nice, how are you supposed to figure out who your best friends are?

Cancer symbol in blue and bronze / image by Vanessa Moody

Ravenclaw

It’s not easy to make friends in a house where everyone wants answers before you’re ready to give them. You adore the library, but you also like learning beyond books, so you explore the castle in search of inspiration. You find it in Madam Pomfrey’s hospital wing, where you’re totally at home fixing wrongs to rights. In time, you find some nifty tricks for quicker cures that impress fellow students. You form a close cluster of a few friends from different houses and sulk when you can’t all be in class together. You tell your family you spend your free time at chess club, but really you spend a lot of your time by the Great Lake (you’re pretty sure the Giant Squid just gets you).

Cancer symbol in green and silver / image by Vanessa Moody

Slytherin

You’ve discovered every professor’s weakness and use this knowledge to manipulate your way out of class so you can spend a lot of your time by the Great Lake (you’re pretty sure the Giant Squid just gets you). One time, a Hufflepuff first year tried to strike up a conversation with you in the Great Hall. You didn’t hex them or anything, but your silence made sure it was the last time that ever happened. Despite your moods, you’re the house softie. So many Slytherins have shared their deepest secrets with you, which is great, because now they can never abandon your friendship. You love hanging out in the astronomy tower with your best pal and gossiping about anyone who’s crossed them.

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