What I Gained When I Quit Online Dating

Spoiler alert: My whole damn life.

Vanessa Torre
Jan 30 · 3 min read
Photo by Rob Hampson via Unsplash

Dating is supposed to be a joyful thing. For me, dating is full of something and it ain’t joy.

It’s supposed to open you up to new people and new experiences. The reality of it is that I like my current experiences. They’re good enough.

My relationship with my phone became healthier

I am no longer tethered to my phone. When I am home, it can be in another room and I don’t wonder where it is. I don’t check it to see if I have messages. I’m not waiting for a text back from anyone. My phone is a communication tool, not a matchmaker.

My mind became quiet

Sometimes, I forget I have loose change in my pocket and remember when I hear my jeans tumbling around in the dryer with about $.37. This noise is pretty much what my brain sounds like all the time.

I have more free time to do what I need to and what I want

My God, online dating is the biggest time suck I have ever experienced. You can spend hours flipping through the human catalog! I now spend more time actually engaging in real life. I’m living more.

I have stopped caring what other people think of my love life

I have had a number of friends comment on my decision to stop dating. Some are very supportive and admire my fortitude to just go it alone and be happy. Others have noted that it sounds a lot like accepting defeat and isolation.

I’m actually more open to having a love life

Wait. What? Huh? That’s a weird thing to say. I have not completely given up on dating. It’s that I’m not seeking it. There is a big difference and a big shift right there. It feels good. It allows me freedom and possibility. I’m letting the cards fall where they choose, not where I choose.


Vanessa Torre

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Going through life like a flaming pinball. Nerd, music lover, horrible violin player. No, I won’t stop taking pictures of my drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com