“we will never stop learning since life never stop teaching”. Day by day we learn by our experience. Not so recent, I experienced hearbreak. It makes me conteplating uncertainty. I want to talk but I don’t want to, because I hate of becoming a sensible or exageratting . Besides, sometimes I agree with a term remain silent is gold. I don’t want to be selfish.
“talk is cheap”
People can interpret my quotes whatever they want based on their different perspective. Nevertheless, I don’t want to hurt anybody by my words. I acknowledge that words can be a dangerous sharp sword. I am not expecting to pleased anybody, I don’t want people feeling sorry for me also. Its just I feel I need to write to unravel the riddle of my heart and figure things out. Or maybe because I need a medium to stabilize my emotion.
Its just how I translate the experience which is similar to every people who experience heartbroken. Acknowledging movies, poetries, and musics are inspired by them.
Its complicated since I don’t know how to describe my feelings. Every love songs and movies and some sad quotes seems relatable. Everything is fine actually, I don’t spend hours or days being sad. I have a life, sometimes I become an optimist by trying to seek and realize the blessings. Undoubtedly, I would say that I am one of the happiest person. I have people to care about. I have jobs to do, waking up everymorning, I have things to be done, trying to make a progress.
Thats just something wrong with myself, when I could not sleep. Subconciously, when everything seems silence, constantly I feel alone and the melancholia becomes vivid. Its like the mute button of my life. Everything seems so sad. Its just, I’m not sure what’s really underneath my subsconcious brain. I just trying to be logical. Honestly, I have nothing to be insecure about. I just explored my extrovert side, when I need someone. Yes, just someone.
I wrote things I want to say to that someone, this writting is actually inspired by my environment, my memories, and a certain people. I would like to say, I do not claim the originality of the experience or words that I used to express my feeling, since nothing is new beneath the sky, but what I write is purely and solely sinciere derived from my heart.
“I need you to be aware of my melancholia. Being born in this planet, I carry out infinite numbers of question. It’s bad enough when the questions popped into my head, and its worse when the answers not good enough. You will find me crying in the middle of a movie when it’s not even the sad part. Or when I’m just writing something on my post. I can feel everything and nothing at the same time, I’m only a laughter away from a tear. “
“Take note that it has nothing to do with you, or me, or us. It’s just that I have really weird things going on in my head, and sometimes the past just find a way through. It is in those little occurences that something really good can send me into that rare perpetual state of woe. “
“I know we haven’t seen each other for quite a long time. We haven’t talked to each other in a while. But I want you to know, regardless if you need this or not. I want you to know that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I want you to know, that I miss you. It’s just, I regret what happened between us, but I did not regret us for one bit. I miss you. I miss you.
Sometimes I go entire days without you in my mind. But most of the time? I let myself do the easier thing, and just forget. But then I find something. A photo. A gift. The stupid diary I spent my ink writing about you. Or the chat logs I’ve kept hidden, and the chat log that was lost in the sky. Whatever I have tried to forget crushed down on me. A part of me wants to see you again. To laugh with you again. To see you smile. But those feelings become empty thoughts. I look back now, remembering that love and adoration are not what it seems.
It’s just easier to forget.
No, this is not a form of regret. This is not a letter for you to read, to begin with. We have reasons to end it. And those reasons are true to form. Those reasons are valid. Looking further back, we didn’t have any reasons to start this new form of relationship. We just did. But reasons start to materialised in the end, and everything since then has been about the reasons.
It’s just that I have really weird things going on in my head, and sometimes the past just find a way through. It is in those little occurences that something really good can send me into that rare perpetual state of woe.
I think, the reason why I’m writing this is for a much more selfish reason. A part of me misses of having someone to care for who cares for me back. I’m writing this all for myself. That is all. All of the words are for me. All of this sentences and paragraphs, are for me. All of this are for me. What can I say? You were always the charitable one between the two of us.
I guess what I’m saying is I hope things are good with you. I hope you remember what it was like, before the reasons. I hope everything is well.
And I guess I hope there’s a small part of you that misses me too.”