Beginnings in Bangkok, Thailand
I’m finally in Thailand for the fall semester!
As a way to make the most out of my study abroad experience, I’ll be posting here on my Medium every week (I’ve already failed to do that the first like 3 weeks here lol but I’m giving myself grace because adjusting was hella difficult and I’m already bad enough with journaling) with snippets of my trip. I think it’ll also be an efficient way to update the many friends (wow I have friends? And many of them?) who have continuously wished me well on my trip here and are wondering how I’ve been.
It’s been an interesting and almost surreal experience so far in the past 3 weeks. I can still feel myself adjusting here, of course, but it’s still unbelievable to me that I’m here in Thailand, studying abroad, for the next 4 months.

I fell asleep for roughly 12 hours out of the 18 hours I was on a plane coming to Thailand, thanks to melatonin pills. I got my first taste of awkward embarrassment with language barriers when I tried to buy breakfast at the Shanghai airport — feeling all eyes on me as the beacon of an outsider I was, the confused stares in response to my simplified English questions. It’s pretty much been like that this entire time I’ve been here though. I occasionally bump into friendly locals who also speak English, so that’s been very reassuring — but it rarely happens.
Thankfully, my first moments in Thailand weren’t as anxiety-inducing. The taxi driver spoke sufficient English to get me and my fellow UCEAP classmate to our apartment. For the first few hours I was in Thailand, I only spoke fragmented English and Thai phrases I picked up from my travel handbook — as expected. Pretty much every encounter I had with a local promised an exchange of awkward smiles, pointing, and vaguely gesturing. I’m trying so hard not to order generic dishes that I could probably eat in the States nor the same cycle of 2–3 Thai dishes I know.
My living situation is pretty nice here. I live in a single studio apartment and it’s the first time I’ve ever had a space to myself. I always grew up sharing rooms with my siblings and although I had my own room in the last year of high school, my home environment was still tense for me so I never felt like I had full control over my room. For most of my life, I’ve lived in a small apartment space with many other people, family coming in and out. My first two years of college, I also shared a room (hi Yuko lmao) and this past summer, I lived in a house with 7 other people. To say the least, I’m very used to sharing living space more intimately than I’d like with many people. So living alone was oddly unsettling and lonely at first, but I actually love having a single now. I will probably never have this again when I get to back to Irvine (thanks Irvine Company and your ridiculously high rent) so I’m indulging in it now while I can. I still get lonely every now and then but overall this is one change I really didn’t expect I’d like.

Most of the people I’ve been spending time with are UCEAP students. I still have yet to make friends with Thai locals, but I figure it’ll take some time since they tend to be insecure about their English/shy around foreigners and I’m just a ball of anxiety in general when it comes to forming new friendships. My trio of friends and I have made a few mini trips outside of our little campus radius, so I’ll count that as progress. I didn’t expect myself making friends with anyone from the UCEAP group, but spending time with them at our monthly dinners and in our Thai class that we all have to take has been serendipitiously enjoyable.


Tinder has actually helped me learn more about local life. I didn’t use Tinder in the States because meeting cute strangers on the internet didn’t seem super enticing to me back home, but there didn’t seem to be much of a difference here in Thailand where basically everyone here is a stranger to me now. I kinda get a sense of what the local culture is like or who’s in my area. Also I like seeing good-looking Thai/Asian people, so.
Since I prompted myself onto this study abroad trip to challenge myself and grow, I’ve been trying to maintain that mindset in miniscule, daily matters. But it’s definitely been difficult distinguishing between what’s adequately challenging for me and what’s OK to not do for now if I’m not ready. This past summer, my mental health has actually improved significantly — most likely because school ended, I was just working a little under 20 hours during summer, and I was surrounded by wonderful housemates.
I’m not saying that I’ve relapsed since I got here (well, not entirely), but of course being in a completely new environment has thrown me and my mental health off tremendously. It’s been more difficult for me to cope because I don’t have my close friends close by to help me through my very low moods, so I’m really out here on my own haha. I value physical presence a lot so I guess that’s when living alone can feel agonizing sometimes. I’ve been fighting off pangs of loneliness and trying to remind myself that I came here to become more comfortable with being alone. Often times back home, I had the tendency to fill up my schedule constantly with plans. I’m not saying that it’s bad to feel lonely because it’s normal to want to be surrounded with good people. But I think, at least for me personally, it just becomes a problem if I cannot be stable on my own. This has always been on my mind, but now that I’m in Thailand, I can actually actively process this (I mean, not like I have any other choice because I don’t have my friends and family here lol).
Anyway.
Uh I really don’t know how to structure these blog posts but I suppose my photos can speak for themselves!


















Wherever I go in Thailand, I can’t help but try to practice humility here. I’ve been consistently reminding myself of the privilege I have to study abroad here and travel around the area. Sometimes I look at the locals here doing manual and/or hard labor, and I instinctively feel bad, but I catch myself — who am I to judge and “pity” their “lower quality” life? It’s all they know; yes, because of the differing life experiences I have from them and also never having experienced such manual labor, I know that they could have better quality of life. At the same time, I try not to impose an elitist/capitalist mindset onto others. Some people prefer simple lifestyles. They don’t want much. Of course there’s a big difference between living comfortably/simply and living without basic necessities, and I can see both wherever I go in Bangkok. I’m not trying to glorify or excuse poverty, but rather, I’m trying not to view it in a savior complex mindset. I want to see them as people first, with these conditions they probably didn’t have control over, but can still make (maybe temporary or limited) happiness in.
Anyway, that was a whole mess of thoughts I’ve been having in the past weeks I’ve been here. Hopefully I can keep myself accountable to continue this on a weekly basis (pls keep me accountable as well). Thanks so much for reading and listening to my experience! I swear that my future entries will be more structured and well-paced in terms of thought process and flow, haha.
