A letter.

I just want to be thankful for every day that I’m alive. For everyone who used to care a lot. And for everyone who still cares a lot until this time.

For those who stay, even though I have the habit of pushing people away, thank you.

I know I did a lot of mistakes. My life is full of mistakes.

I’m sorry for every mistake that hurt you. Or that one mistake that made you ran away.

Please know that everywhere you are, near or far, I will always love you. And nothing can ever change that.

This feeling has developed towards a very sincere feeling of love. This moment I now believe the very meaning of ‘to love doesn’t always mean to have them in your life’.

The feeling went from ‘I had to win you back’ to ‘I’m very happy for you and hope the very best for you and what to come’.

In my mind, you are perfect.

In your mind, I am not.

I hurt you.

You won’t trust me. You can’t trust me anymore.

What I hope is to let this message reach you. So you know I’m no longer that kind of person you imagined before.

To change your perspective about me. To let the past fades away.

I’m far from moving on.

This heart somehow still finds you in the middle of every conversation from a new prospective lover. Comparing them to you.

You become an anchor for what love is. You defined what love is to me. You made me feel what true love is.

That’s why every single road leads me back to you.

‘Bullshit!’ you might say.

But, for me, there’s no truer love than what I feel for you.

And if moving on means having no feeling at all to you, I’d rather die not moving on.

I believe that a feeling of love will always remain. It won’t ever go.


So, spare me some love, if I found my way back to you late at night.

Bare with me. Talk to me. Update me.

I don’t have any intention to win you back. I know I’m too awful for that. I won’t let you love me.

You are too perfect.

For you to love me is like a dream come true.

And realizing the fact, I’m happy just by knowing that dream was alive for a moment.


Once again.

I love you.

It won’t ever change.

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