Experiencing life without letting age hold us hostage
Human beings are the sum of all their experiences, there are no qualms about that. Yet, we set these foundations and limits on when we experience what we want to experience—first kiss by 15, first love by 18, first heartbreak by 21. Our deepest desires and longing are merged with the consuming despair to get through all our firsts before anyone else does. Or rather, before you are the last one in the room to experience certain things.
We let the age hold us hostage. We know, in every cell of our body, that everyone has a different timeline for everything and that even when we are doing the same thing, we are never really doing the same thing. Yet, then, why do we feel so much agony when we don’t hit certain checkpoints at certain times?
I have read panic-induced articles about being a virgin at 30 or taking your first international trip in your 40s. The panic of timelines is so universal and it is so draining to be constantly thinking of all the things that you have not done. When I panicked in front of my therapist, groaning about how I was not able to hit all the milestones that I needed to hit at a certain age, she asked me a question, “Whose timeline is this, Varisha?”
Of course, it wasn’t my timeline. It was the world’s timeline. It was my parent's timeline. It was my friend’s timeline. It was the timeline in books and movies. But don’t we all, in some way or the other, feel like we are missing out on some quintessential life experiences as we live our ordinary lives?
One of my deepest desires, a milestone I should have hit at 18, happened when I was 25. In so many ways, I was so far behind, but in that moment, when I felt what I had been dreaming of feeling for 25 years, it didn’t matter that this didn’t happen at 18 or at 21. All that matters is that it’s happening now, and then I am really enjoying it. When your desire is on its way to reaching the destination, when the longing is turning into reality, the timeline fades away. That’s something no one tells you. When it happens, it doesn’t matter the life you have lived up until that point or the check mark you are yet to hit.
We want to not be judged. People and their expectations bound us. They determine the career we choose, the choices we make, the people we like, and the way we raise our kids, yet the happiest individuals have always been individuals who have been able to free themselves of the expectations of other people. If you have had a dream to be a traveller but you haven’t been able to fulfil it until you are in your 40s, let me tell you that when you do, it really won’t matter what your age is. You will see something for the first time, and your life will shape how it looks, and that will make all the difference.
Maybe not enough is written about experiencing things for the first time later in life. Maybe we need something to aspire towards. Everything has to be done in your teenage years but the joy of doing things for the first time never really surprises to enthral us. 14 or 40, your first love will always sweep you off your feet, and then maybe dump you right back down.
During my teenage years, I found happiness in being lost in books but even when I was so lost, I felt as if I was somehow failing because I wasn’t out there kissing a person. As If somehow the purpose of anything is anything more than finding joy in your life. If I was feeling joy while reading, was I missing out on anything? Are we ever really missing out on anything in life? Is it humanely possible to experience everything all at once? What if you couldn’t experience travelling the world in your 20s like all the articles suggest you to, because, hello, who is covering the expense? Would it be so bad to do it in your 50s, with fewer worries and more money? Why can’t you pursue your passion at 60? Isn’t the whole point of living is to be more alive?
So I hope you continue to experience life, whenever and wherever you are.
