The Male Gaze
The term ‘male gaze’ has entered popular culture, especially with recent campaigns such as #Metoo that highlight how popular culture objectify women as objects of desire. The term ‘gaze’ as an act of seeing and being seen, was first explored as an important mechanism of controlling, by those in by Foucault in his seminal text Discipline and Punish. In a highly stratified, patriarchal society like India , the gaze is at the heart of discussions on sexual harassment and gender discrimination faced by women in their everyday life.
What is perhaps equally disturbing but seldom talked about is how the ‘male gaze’ is central to controlling men’s behavior as well and conditioning them to take on the role of the ‘patriarch’. Last week, I happened to meet a dear friend who had recently moved in with his parents. My friend Rajesh, is someone whose views on gender equality closely resonate my own. Infact, I admire his ability to ‘walk the talk’ as both he and his wife share their load of domestic chores quite equitably. So, I was in quite a state of surprise at our dinner party. After the niceties were exchanged, and we had finished our share of catching up stories , I realized that his wife Neera had not been around all through. When I inquired, I realised she had been busy cooking in the kitchen all this while. Feeling embarrassed at not noticing this before, I proposed that we continue our conversation in the kitchen and help out Neera. Rajesh ignored what I had said and continued the conversation with others in the room,as I walked away.
The kitchen was quite an amusing sight as there was flour spilled in all corners as Neera labored to make chapatis that faintly resembled the Australian continent. Bemusedly, I asked her why she had embarked on this ‘global’ adventure?This was something Rajesh was good at and usually his share of tasks at home on most occasions when we had visited them. Even before she said it, I knew the answer.
In fear of being reprimanded for being too ‘feminine’ or of being a ‘hen-pecked’ husband, Rajesh avoided doing all cooking related chores in front of his relatives and parents. I could empathize with his situation- perhaps he did not want to upset his parents or he wanted to spend time socializing rather than ‘sticking’ to his wife in the kitchen or maybe he did not want to be sniggered at by his friends? Who knows?
Nevertheless, the realization of the resurgence of the patriarch under the ‘gaze’ felt sad.