Back on my medication.

Originally published on inthemargins.ca on September 26, 2017.

After almost a decade without them, I have recently (today, in fact) gone back on my medications to treat depression.

I spent several years taking a mélange of anti-psychotics, SSRIs, and benzodiazepines to treat bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety, and chronic depression. About ten years ago, I began — under the supervision of medical professionals — weaning off my medication and supplementing my treatment with cognitive-behavioural therapy, a mindfulness practice, a daily journaling routine, and regular check-ins with my doctor.

Until today, this worked just fine for me. Today, I walked into my doctor’s office and together, we decided that it was time to re-explore the idea of medication.

I am not ashamed of this change at all. In fact, I am proud: I am proud that I was able to recognize when I needed help, proud that I was willing and able to ask for that help, and proud that I am taking the steps necessary to make sure I stay healthy.

It’s no secret that these have been among the hardest six months of my life, physically and emotionally — the reasons are unnecessary to discuss at this time — so I am proud that I was able to identify when things were at risk of going poorly and to take action to stop any decline or full relapse.

I am back on my medication because I know this is what I need right now. Just being able to recognize that and do something about it, I think, is something to be applauded.