Lately I’ve been re-watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I used to love that show. As a woman, I was always a tiny bit bothered by Barney and his many misogynistic attitudes. However, this time around it’s not Barney that really bothers me, it’s Ted.
A few years ago, Barney would have been the only one to be considered a misogynist, whereas Ted was considered perfect boyfriend material.
Today, in a world where women have been voicing their concerns about patriarchy and misogyny, Ted would be seen in a very different light.
Barney: a Parody of Misogyny
From the get go, it’s clear to us viewers that Barney is comedic character. His misogyny is so blatant that other characters comment about it. His antics are so ridiculous that they almost make his character unbelievable.
In addition, Barney is presented as a man with deeply rooted emotional issues. He was raised by a single mother, not knowing whom his father was. His closeted brother made him believe that picking up women was a mark for personal success. He is shown as problematic, deeply vulnerable character, who also provides some much needed comic relief.
Ted: the True Misogynist
As the narrator of the story, Ted paints himself as somewhat of a hopeless romantic. He spent his youth in Manhattan searching for love, until he truly found The One. However, many of Ted’s behaviors that were indeed presented as romantic wouldn’t even be condoned today.
His tally of one-night stands would be similar to Barney’s, and he’s also kind of a jerk. This is not presented in the same comedic light as Barney’s antics, but rather, as the actions of a really nice guy who sometimes messes up. Ted’s bullshit is not meant to make his character funny, but rather, to make him endearing. When he treats a girl poorly (like when he dumps Natalie on her birthday for the second time), we are supposed to feel bad for Ted. Not for the women, who are barely more than props to account for Ted’s story, but for this really, really nice guy.
He’s not better on his long-term relationships. In fact, he seems to be a little bit of a stalker. When he meets Victoria, she doesn’t want to keep in touch, but he decides he must find her anyway. Then, he enters a long-distance relationship, only to try and cheat with Robin. He lies to both women, in order to get what he wants. Once again, this is portrayed as a nice guy who is lost, and so in love with Robin he would be willing to do anything.
Or is he? Because he is also awful to Robin. She tells him clearly that they don’t want the same kind of commitment, but he continues to pursue her relentlessly, thus not respecting her wish. Even his pursuing was actually kind of creepy. He enters her apartment without her permission, in order to surprise her with a blue string quartet. And when she doesn’t know how to respond after the ambush, he pressures her to have an immediate answer.
When Robin feels uncomfortable by all the stuff Ted keeps from his exes, he refuses to let go of the objects; yet he then forces Robin to get rid of her dogs in turn. Again, he doesn’t respect Robin’s feelings or desires; and he only values the relationship for what he can gain out of it.
What is really troubling about characters like Ted -or Ross from friends- is that they are portrayed as romantic leads, desirable nice guys who will do anything for love, and who deserve the attention of women because of their niceness.
They are one more patriarchy trope. They tell man that, if they treat women somehow romantically -even like stalkers-, they are entitled to their feelings. Women must love them back, because they have earned it with all their suffering, all their unwavering love, all the relentless pursuing.
I want to think that a character like Ted could not exist today. That we don’t see objectifying women as funny, or endearing; and that men are learning to respect their wishes, instead of pressing on and stalking them until they see how nice and deserving of their love they are.
