Dr. Chhavi Verma
Nov 2 · 3 min read

What Depression Feels Like?

Imagine a perfect day, when u are surrounded by your favorite people, you have coffee, good food, and never-ending love around you, feels like a warm comforting hug doesn't it?

This used to be my favorite day off.

I used to be the most social person u would ever know, talking to people, befriend them, has never been a biggie for me, being around people gave me a sort of comfort. But just like I have lost interest in all my favorite things, meeting people nowadays leaves me with nothing but anxiety.

When I know it's Depression?

Just when my favorite tv show doesn’t bring a smile to my face, when my favorite food doesn’t satisfy my soul anymore, that red lipstick fails to empower me, I sleep for long hours just to wake up feeling more tired than ever before.

When I continuously feel that I am worthless, and my heart knows that that’s nothing but a big lie but, my mind fails to agree. When I feel my closest friends would do nothing but judge me. And I sometimes cautiously and most of the time unconsciously let the hole of unhappiness suck me in.

Why do I get depressed?

Well, I have been battling depression for 6 years now, and it gets more than just a bad phase. And over these years I have developed a lot of theories about it.

One of my theories said that I just make excuses. When things get tough, I don’t know how to handle them. I stuck to this theory for a long time, blaming myself for things I didn’t do or things I could have done better, till the time I realized that depression knocked on my door even when everything in my life was going perfectly fine. It was only then that I realized, I have been a bit too harsh on myself, and I have this tendency of putting myself down in most of the situations. Whole my life I have told myself, that u are too privileged to feel sad, and never gave myself enough space for feeling bad about anything. And this constant battle of actually feeling sad and not allowing myself to do so has piled up and developed into clinical depression.

How does it feel?

I would never want anyone to know exactly how it feels but it is very important to at least develop an amount of sensitivity around it so that if u can’t help anyone around u just make sure u don’t make it worse.

A lot of physiological actions in our body are involuntary and trust me that’s for a reason, I remember when I get depressed, I become aware of all these involuntary actions, I feel that I have to consciously keep breathing, I become aware of every beat of my heart, and that leaves me exhausted, and then begins this vicious cycle of being physically drained followed by mental tiredness. There are some better days when I want to leave my bed and maybe just make a hearty meal for myself but the moment I am not able to find the lighter in the kitchen, I am back with the same feeling of worthlessness.

This is to everyone who has ever felt the same way or are feeling anything of this sort right now, it’s not your fault and I know it doesn’t feel right but trust me, go talk it out, nobody is going to judge u, Everyone’s Broken.

    Dr. Chhavi Verma

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