Why Most Men Can’t Be NFL Coaches

Female entrepreneurs have first world problems. Try being an old lady with 45 years experience studying the National Football League. Even though I am a better “armchair offensive coordinator” than 50 percent of the men who get paid to be OC’s, I can’t even get an interview as an UNPAID CONSULTANT.

I also have spent 40+ years developing a nutritional program that would signifivcantly reduce the per capita average injury rate for many sports teams. Just common sense principles with a little cutting edge science.

No “certificate on the wall” — just solid results. If all doctors are competent by virtue of a piece of paper, why do people hate HMO’s? LOL

My program works. I’ve gone from “almost dead” to “feel 20 again” — except this time it’s a healthy 20. Who knew you really are what you eat?

But results don’t matter to men in the NFL. They just enjoy sharing their injuries and bonding over it. Understandable, but doesn’t do much to improve your W-L record. Huge linemen and playing-well-over-natural-weight players (e.g., fullbacks) might benefit greatly. It’s really hard to eat properly when you have to play at 40 or more lbs. over your naturally fit weight.

I don’t expect anyone to believe me. But you would think that there might be one innovative thinker among NFL coaches who would be intrigued enough to interview me. A cup of coffee at a good coffee shop would probably be a small price to pay — I’m terrifically entertaining, if nothing else. And I really enjoy football players and coaches. I feel right at home in the NFL.

Anybody out there have a wife that let’s him interview women? Or who doesn’t pay attention to the wife’s complaints? I’m a really fun interview. As an only child, I’ve always been one of the boys when it comes to talking about sports. Some guys love that; some don’t. I hang out with the men who aren’t jerks. Works for me!

So if there is anyone out there who would like to mitigate plantar fasciitis and improve the knee injury recovery process for huge linemen, hit me back by email. I only interview in the Washington, DC area and don’t travel. Amazingly enough, this thing called the internet lets me consult from almost anywhere. Duh!

I also consult for MLB teams. In fact, my nutritional program was developed with the Nats in mind. Hi, Mike. Hi, Dusty. Wanna talk? Ryan Zimmerman could use some help.

My system works — and there is nothing “weird” about it. Just common sense eating habits plus cutting edge science.

And no gray in my hair. I hope you will be as young at 70 as I am.

And quit trolling Cam Newton. Show me a “good loser” and I’ll show you a QB who won’t be my starter any time soon. Cam seems to be a blot test for unrecognized racism. My only comment on Cam this year was “Wow! I had no idea you were the size of Big Ben”. Cool, baby! Little QB’s like Kirk Cousins make you afraid to watch them. Captain Kirk looks like a good stiff breeze would blow him to Baltimore. But he gets rid of the ball quicker now, and I know why. I have time to study the NFL. The self-annointed “experts” have day jobs.

Too bad no one is smart enough to interview me. What? An hour and $7.95 worth of really good coffee won’t fit in your budget? Bur Von Miller would?

Sometimes my Ph.D. in economics almost seems intellectually useful.

Happy 2016 draft everyone.

P. S. Since I spent the happiest moments of my childhood at the racetrack with my father, my understanding of “value for money in pari-mutuel markets” is quite solid. Female sports analysts are like orangutans — they’re kind of cute when they’re babies. Wives and girlfriends tend to like babies. But grown women are another matter. At least I have a sense of humor about it…

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