Can’t

There are just some days the world gets too scary. People may and don’t realise the magnitude of their words or tone or intent for the other person while making their point. It brings back all the memories that you know you should be abandoned, but you can’t because they are the memories which make you who you really are. These days don’t come often but hold the potential for ruining you and making you question the very existence of your being. You just feel defeated, sad and lonely. You just want to pick up the phone and just tell the other person to hold you but there is just so much ambiguity. While you start to question the very fabric of your being, you also start to ask yourself questions like “How good is good?”, “Is it worth?” and most importantly “Were they right all along?”. These questions can shred someone in pieces and you just feel like you physically can’t breathe.

One starts to look for motivation to believe again. “Reason to live” they call it. While looking for this, one only realises that it is for other’s happiness. This is when you start to feel more and see how selfish the world is.

You just start to ask yourself..

WHY CAN’T I CHOOSE TO BE SELFISH?

WHY CAN’T I ALSO HAVE OFF DAYS TO MOURN?

WHY CAN’T I HAVE DAYS WHERE I WANT TO BE ALONE?

WHY CAN’T PEOPLE JUST STOP ASKING THE QUESTIONS?

WHY CAN’T I HAVE A DAY WHERE I WAS HAPPY AGAIN?

WHY CAN’T I START CARING LESS?

WHY CAN’T I JUST END THIS?

WHY CAN’T I DO SOMETHING THAT I WANTED TO DO?

WHY CAN’T I ALSO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE WHERE EVERY DECISION DOESN’T NEED TO BE ANALYSED?

WHY CAN’T I BE HAPPY?

WHY IS IT THAT KEEPING EVERYONE HAPPY IS KILLING ME?

WHY CAN’T I SUFFER IN PEACE?

“Fight marne mein koi fight nahi hai but we all can have bad days”

-Vedant Vaani Jain

28.07.2016