Late at night

“I want to celebrate the sadness that makes you feel everything so deeply. I want to throw a party for the wounds that make you so unabashedly human.”

-D. Antoinette Foy

It’s late at night and all the darkness suddenly tries to envelope me,

Eyes are tearing up reminiscing the past,

Heart pounds while it aches,

Ears only seem to be familiar to your voice,

The sensation of touch only comes from imagining you in my arms,

The conscious mind only wants to remember the way you smiled when you looked at me,

While so much takes place around me,

I open my eyes to realise that there is only darkness.

The darkness haunts me and making me vulnerable to an extent that I’m scared of my own self,

While the world may have its beliefs and rules all seems hollow and nothing even remotely links to happiness.

“I’m scared of myself that I will become like them” I used to say to you, I remember. I still am but now it’s even more scary as you aren’t here. You always taught me the value of the moment. While I try to draw strength from this void, I just realise that I am weaker and question the very fabric of my being.

As I doubt everything,

I try hating the only thing I hold dearly to my heart just to let go,

I just think to myself how could I hate something so beautiful.

“It is meant to happen” the heart says,

But sentiment is just a defect we have been taught.

Only question that remains unanswered is “Is it complete?”

There is so much more to be done…

While I wait my heart only aches to see her smile.

The reality is the I’m just scared little boy waiting in the darkness and it’s this darkness that haunts and consumes me.

While I wait my heart aches.

-Vedant Vaani Jain
14.06.2016