my second loneliness

last winter in Kangding YHA,.cat’s name is Tofu.

My first loneliness is to confront this being, like anybody else. I live by this through my life. But I cannot get along with the second loneliness, that confronting my loneliness is my own solo.

Remember the song? “I’m Mr. Lonely” “I have nobody” “For my own”

I get the story finally. If it’s a torture to be lonely ,then, it would be more of a joke to be lonely, just by yourself.A joke with no laugh, equals, a sad story with no tears.

a normal city

no double expresso in coffee shops, and three vegetarian restaurants for Buddhism.

Embracing the loneliness is a life-long mission,better to learn replace self-pity with self-entertain.It’s miserable, as a great writer Yutang Lin says, a person lives in realities and dreams at same time. He gives a solution, simply add some humor.

I didn’t know what to expect for the English meet-up last night. I had no idea if people wants to meet new friends. This is a tiny town, at least tiny in China, still whose population is 300,000. We have quite few cinemas, a big art center without operation, no double expresso in coffee shops, and three vegetarian restaurants for Buddhism.

Also, the answer, to what I expect from myself, is ambiguous. I have been staying in this town, where I went to middle school and some of my close families are here, for one and half month now. Before my settle here, I spent one month in a farm in Dannevirke, New Zealand.Before that WWOOF experience, a remote mountain town — Kangding, a metropolitan city-Chicago, and list keeps going. What the hell on one side I organize this to meet people, on another side, I keep my refrigerator empty and my luggage tight? An ambiguous betrayer.

Why do you move to your home

Maybe a bigger life is embedded in a bigger city.

People move forward, not backward. Home is a word so closely related to the conception of the past that it interfere with our judgements on future. When you get asked about the reason of being beside home, most of the case, people already set you in the condition of *not letting go * . They think your origin outweigh all other reasons-BECAUSE THIS IS YOUR HOME.

Commonly, lots of people fool themselves with the same logic, they identify themselves in the name of the past.I want to be more honest. Yes, THIS IS MY HOME.My home give me the past, but I see my future.

So many of my peers left this city. Maybe a bigger life is embedded in a bigger city.Or, the distance between home with another land leaves the space of future being. Or, carrying the past sign is so confused to find out who you really are.

I do not have a home, because I cannot go back to old me.

Mr. lonely

we are all lonely, together.

Individual is lonely, but not necessarily Mr. Lonely. This lonely feeling cannot be diluted but shared. Paulo Coelho says in the interview with Tim Ferries, answering the reason to write, “I write to tell that we are all lonely, together.”

Who would drive all the way On Thursday night, just to talk with strangers? I met all kinds of interesting people. The live with their own charms. They are fully aware and not afraid to show that WE NEED EACH OTHER.

Who would come to this Starbucks? At the point of 7 , the phone rang. “I did not find you in Starbucks”, she said. “Well, turn to your back”

Because,I see you.

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