Rules to Creating a Winning Dating Profile that Wows
According to a relationship coach.
Yes, no. Swipe left, swipe right. Matched.
That’s pretty much the gist of online dating. In theory, it’s a good concept. It’s another way to meet people. However, most people don’t use it properly. They exert minimal effort and want maximum results.
Most people expect to meet the love of their life without taking the time to really specify what they’re looking for. Too many people take the easy way out by hiding behind the screen and never connecting. They’d rather go back and forth on the app or by text without meeting in person.
I’m old school and prefer to meet people in real life. But I understand that people are busy or don’t get out much and prefer the anonymity of swiping. Whatever your goal, long term, hook up or friends with benefits, there are a few things that need to be said, and it all starts with the profile.
As a psychologist and relationship coach, if a client asks me to create a dating profile, it’s easy because this is what I do. Afterall everybody needs love.
Recently, a good friend asked me to help him create a profile. Initially, I thought he was joking, but I quickly realized that he was serious. Now here’s a man who’s smart, attractive, successful and an all-around great guy. By all accounts, he should be married with a rack of kids by now.
He’s a great catch and attracts good women, but they’re not the right woman for him.
When I read his initial profile, I was appalled.
“Fun-loving, easy-going, goal-oriented and family guy. I'm a free thinker and not judgemental. I like meeting new people with a positive outlook on life. Looking for someone special, to have fun with and see where it goes.”
No spunk, no pizzazz and downright boring. There are tens of thousands of profiles that read like this on every dating site from Match to Tinder. No wonder he wasn’t getting much love on the app.
As I pondered about what to say about him, I thought about what makes a profile great.
It all starts with the right picture
For a woman, it’s important to have awesome pictures that capture the essence of who you are because men are visual. Women are visual as well, but pictures don’t carry the same weight. If you’re a man, the key is to have a profile that really speaks to who you are because women want men that can express themselves. We’re more apt to think on a deeper level about what’s being said than the pictures.
The cover photo is the first picture a person will see. It needs to clearly show the face without sunglasses, filters or other items that disguise the face. And please smile. Nothing ruins a dating profile more than a photo that looks like a mug shot.
There’s no magic formula on what to say in a dating profile but there are some sure-fire tips that can increase your chances of finding the right match.
Create a catchy username
If you’re required to use your name, that’s fine. Otherwise, choose something that says something about your personality. If you like yoga, maybe you’re a brown yogi bear. That’s a bit cheeky but you get the picture.
Make sure the headline has a hook
A headline that’s funny, provocative, a favorite quote or line from a movie will draw the person in. If you’re a hip-hop head, your headline might be “It was all a dream…”
Be yourself
Let your personality shine through your profile. Paint a picture that will make the reader want to get to know you better.
Have multiple photos
Have a full length and a close-up photo that shows your face. Select a few photos that show off your style and personality as well as the things that interest you. If you like to travel, show a picture in one of the places you’ve visited.
Provide enough detail to entice but not to turn off
There’s no reason to give your whole life story but tell enough so that they’ll have their interest peaked and want to reach out.
Be clear about what you want
Whether you’re looking for friendship, sex or a long-term relationship, state it clearly. No one has time for guessing games. It’s not only about status, but who you are. If you’re passionate about life, love and travel say it. Then you won’t attract someone who doesn’t have the same interest.
Set the expectation upfront
If you’re not sure what you want, it's ok to state you don’t know but would like to see if you’re compatible and where the relationship goes. If you’re not into games, be concrete about what that means to you. No drama, no craziness, and no baggage.
When you put all of that together it looks like this:
“While I would have preferred that we bumped into each other at the gym, we didn't(But we can say we did later)(smile). Here, goes…introverted, West Indian, soca and reggae loving guy raised in the Capital city looking for my forever dance partner. A bit of a gym rat that lives a healthy lifestyle that consists of swimming, cycling and traveling the world on a whim. I work hard, and play hard so make sure you can keep up.”
“Looking for a woman that can go from tennis shoes and a sweatsuit to a ball gown and sexy heels in the blink of an eye. She clearly expresses how she feels, stands up for what she believes in and fights for what she desires. She has the right blend of confidence and humility that will allow her to appreciate the simple things in life. She is funny, self-aware and realizes that life should be shared and celebrated….”
When we added the right mix of photos to his profile, within 24 hours he had over a hundred messages.
Dating is hard and online dating makes it even more difficult, but if you start out with an intriguing profile, love will find you sooner than you expect.
Venessa Marie Perry is an organizational psychologist and relationship coach. She writes about love and relationships at LoveWrite. Follow her on twitter or IG @venessamperry.
