The Golden Chariot Theory.

One day when a friend of mine was telling me how this guy she really liked said to her in passing, “Hey, you going to Coachella?” She said, “I don’t know, maybe”.

Later on she was telling me, “I am debating if I should go to Coachella to see him. I think he wants me to go because he asked if I was going”.

I looked at her and said, “Let me tell you about the Golden Chariot theory”.

This theory is something I made up, but has worked for me very well so I am sharing it with you. It is very simple.

If the person you care about does not come up in a golden fiery blazing chariot and invite you INTO the chariot very clearly, do not get in the chariot. I REPEAT. Do not get in the chariot.

ALSO. If the person you care about does not get IN to the chariot very quickly, just keep driving the chariot. I REPEAT. Just keep driving the chariot.

The invitation is very simple. Does the person hold out their hand and swoop you INTO the chariot? Do they stand tall with passion in their eyes and say, “GET IN NOW!”

Then yes, yes, this is a golden chariot and you can get in it.

Does the chariot clunk around with one wheel? Is it moving and you are chasing after it trying to get on saying, “Wait for me!?” Are you unsure if it’s a chariot at all? Maybe it’s a used tuk tuk. IT should be a chariot and it should be ON FIRE.

THEY EITHER DRIVE UP BOLDLY & DETERMINED or you just let the broken rusted-ass chariot go right by.

THEY EITHER LEAP INTO THAT CHARIOT WITH CRAZY ABANDON IN FIVE SECONDS OR LESS or you just keep driving.

This can also be translated as, “If he does not return your texts. If you’ve been dating a long time but she doesn’t say she loves you or want to get serious. If he is sleeping with you but doesn’t want to spend any other time with you. If she doesn’t want to call you her partner. If she isn’t all in. If he doesn’t explicitly ask you if you want to go out. ETC.”

That my friend, is NOT A BLAZING CHARIOT. YOU DO NOT SETTLE FOR THAT. THE ASK SHOULD BE CLEAR. THE RESPONSE SHOULD BE CLEAR.

It is up to YOU to tell your friends when they are getting in the wrong chariots. Is it up to YOU to let the non-blazing ones go by. It is up to YOU to not wait around for twenty minutes while the person tries to think if they should get “in” to the chariot but are really just waiting to see if another more blazing chariot is coming behind you.

Too many people settle for broken chariots and it does not have to be so. You get swooped in, you stand tall and you blaze together into the mother f&%*^ing sky!

It should look something like this.