5 Ways You Might Be Killing Yourself

7 min readNov 17, 2020

might start with exercise, then shaving, then showering, then cleaning your apartment.

This has been psychologically exhausting, and what’s the point? And who am I showering for anyway, my cat?

I shave, I just have to shave again tomorrow, and the same goes for cleaning my apartment and clipping my nails.

I haven’t worn pants in nine months. And at this rate, who knows if I ever will again.

Solution: You force yourself to keep doing these things anyway.

It’s good for morale, and will actually make you feel less exhausted.

You Keep Saying Yes to Overtime

Times are uncertain. Who knows what’ll happen tomorrow, and you aren’t exactly doing much of anything right now, anyway.

What are you going to tell your boss? That’d you’d rather just sit at home doing nothing?

Solution: Tell your boss you’d rather just sit at home doing nothing. They’ll probably be more understanding than you think.

The future has always been uncertain. It’s tempting to keep taking all of this overtime because some of us have never earned this much ever before, but it isn’t worth it if (when) you wake up one morning and just can’t do it at all anymore.

All of the little frustrations that we’re supposed to be grateful for add up, and one day, out of the blue, you might break. You’ll go to log in to work and freeze, then call your boss and tell them that you just can’t do this anymore, ever.

Remember that your boss is going through the same thing, and probably understands that a little compassion can go a long way.

You Give up on Your Social Life

It seems that almost everyone is either working insane hours, or not at all. As with exercise and brushing your teeth, scheduling a call with a friend starts to feel like more of a chore than it’s worth, so you stop, and you all get it.

There just aren’t enough hours in the day, and because so many places are still locked down, a lot of us are now cooking a lot more often, too. Or worse, have given up on eating.

I stopped eating three days ago because I was just too tired to bother. It was easier to drink beer instead, so I did, and I felt much better.

Until this morning.

And this is another reason I keep taking overtime. It’s the only socializing left in my life. It isn’t right, and it isn’t enough.

Solution: Admit that you’re lonely, and work on it.

Some of us write here everyday, or several times a day, and we have to start putting the same kind of effort into our social lives.

People need company and to be touched by other people. It seems impossible and pointless, but I’m going to try to put at least a fraction of the effort I put into work or writing into OK Cupid.

It’s a lot like trying to get published. You get rejected what feels like a million times, usually without even an email to let you know. But if you write to five people a day on OK Cupid, eventually, one of them will write back, and maybe even agree to meet you.

You Give up on Your Hobbies

I’m relatively new to Medium, and from what I can tell, I’m doing well for a newbie, but still, I make more working half an hour of overtime than I do in a week here.

I used to love playing guitar. At one point, I was playing five or six hours a day. Now, when I look at my primary guitar, I’m almost afraid to touch it.

I’m rusty now, and garbage will come out of it, but still, I’ll think (and rightfully so) that I’d probably be happier playing on some street corner anyway.

Solution: Keep playing or painting or knitting anyway.

I still believe there are limits to creative output, and I used to think playing the guitar somehow hurt my writing, and this is completely wrong. The two are different enough that they can actually help and compliment each other.

You might feel exhausted and fed up with yourself, but it feels so good to be doing anything else.

You Aren’t Being Honest with Yourself

We lie to ourselves in a thousand little ways everyday. Even calling it COVID-19 takes us one step away from what it actually is, which is a deadly infectious disease.

I’ve lived in isolation for extended periods before and told myself I was fine, and I was wrong.

I’ve told myself I can live this way forever if necessary, and I’m wrong.

Solution: Be honest with yourself.

Your concerns are legitimate, and how you feel matters. If this situation has become too much for you, call a therapist or counsellor and get some help.

Conclusion

Many of you are probably having the same problems, while others undoubtedly have it much worse.

We’re getting close to a year of this, and there’s still no end in sight. It’s frustrating, and it’s forced us to face some stark realities.

A lot of Americans are not the people we thought they were, and the push to re-open staggers me. We don’t even really know what we’re dealing with yet, and if you think the economy is struggling now, multiply our current situation by ten.

I want to back out to bars, too, and to the movies, and to see human faces again, but for the good of the many, we have to keep waiting, and we can’t keep being half-assed about it.

Someday, this will be over. What comes next, I can’t even imagine, but at least it will be a change, and hopefully a better reason to keep getting up in the morning, doing my push-ups, and showering.