List of things I do until I can rinse my conditioner out in the shower:
- count to 60
- wash the rest of my body
- shave my legs (nobody should spend more than two minutes getting rid of body hair, unless they are Bigfoot)
- think of ways I could slip and die while waiting for conditioner to set in
- think of how FRIENDS could have been different if Ross and Rachel actually had a healthy relationship
- think of how FRIENDS could have been different had Rachel actually been a lesbian
- think of how in FRIENDS, Rachel still could’ve ended up in Paris with a baby at the end of the series even if she was a lesbian
- what the NBA would’ve been like had Len Bias not overdosed. I bet you Larry Bird wouldn’t have been shit
- sing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song from the 90s
- wonder how my pre-school boyfriend, Van, ended up in prison. Yes, I looked it up and WOW.
- think about how if more people supported the WNBA and its players that maybe the players would get paid more
- do the math on how much money I’ve spent on alcohol during the past ten years and realize I could afford a house
STOP THIS NOW AND RINSE OUT YOUR HAIR YOU IDIOT!