Veronica Haunani Fitzhugh
Feb 1 · 3 min read
photo credit:

“‘In Search Of A Rare Blend Of The Old-fashioned and Fun’

A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Quack, got any gwapes?”
The bartender answers, “No.”
The duck comes back the next day and asks, “Quack, got any gwapes?”
The bartender answers, “No.”
The duck comes back the next day.
The bartender says. “If you ask me for grapes, I am going to staple your bill to the floor.”
The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and asks, “Quack, got any staples?”
The bartender answers, “No.”
The duck asks, “Quack, got any gwapes?”

If I made you roll your eyes, you owe me a chai latte.
If I made you smile, I owe you a back rub and a home cooked dinner.
If I made you chuckle, we owe each other a night on the town.
If I made you guffaw, I think I could love you forever.

So, what will it be?”

My friend works a lower paying gig helping people. She is goofy, kind, and about to hit a working poverty in a few months. So, she has decided to find a sugar daddy.

I wrote the above personal ad for her, and she will post it online.

I know a little about online grabs for romance and sex.

I was featured in the C-ville Weekly February Sex Issue, because one of the reporters found I had written a few of the more “compelling” craigslist casual encounter ads for other people. The article that was originally about them became about me and my quirky writing projects.

I started writing personal ads for myself and others in the early 1990s.

In January of my first year at the University of Virginia, two of my friends decided we should be proactive about getting Valentine’s Day dates by posting ads in the C-Ville Weekly personals. I wrote all three of the ads. One of my friends is married and has three kids with the first person who she met from the ad. The second friend ended up on dates with hotty-patotty personal trainers although nothing serious emerged. And, I got no dates but did win their monthly “Best Of” contest for the best written ad. As a matter of fact, the hotty-patotty personal trainer my friend dated told us, my ad was so funny he cut it out and taped it to his roommate’s door. He never answered the ad though!

Life lesson: Be funny, but not too funny… cause mainstream men may love to laugh but do not want to be intimidated or feel less funny than you.

Lesson learned.

I no longer looked for mainstream men. I belittle myself for no one, and it works for me.

I also made a cool bathroom art project in the Bridge Progressive Arts Initiative Gallery, Charlottesville, Virginia with all of my flagged for deletion craigslist personal ads. It was sad, when they closed that section. I think those ads garnered my largest readership.

And, most of my relationships have spun from an online get together. There was the meanie in Warrenton, Virginia from AOL personals. There was my financial submissive in England from a fan letter I wrote to his erotica blog. And, there is the love of my life in Ithica, New York from Just to name a few.

So, did the power of advertising work in matters of love for me?

Hell yeah!

Well, of course, because I love writing, and I love love.

Even when it didn’t work out, the process of learning about both gave me a lot of great stories, let me meet new people, taught me about the blend of authenticity, art, and irony, and let me understand more about my interpersonal needs and how to get them met.

So, write on, lovers of words and humanity. Your heart messages matter!

Veronica Haunani Fitzhugh

Written by

I write, teach, peer support, and life coach. Learn more

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