What Does Home Mean To Me?
After Fifty Years Of Searching, I Have Yet To Find A True Home For Myself
At the age of five, I was given the choice of two homes. I am not suggesting it was my choice, my decision. I am sure the grownups — my parents and my grandmother — had already reached their decision. However, at such a young age, I felt as though it was my choice. “Do you want to stay in Spokane with Grandma or move to Reardan with us and your brothers and sister?” I let it be known that I wanted to live with Grandma.
It would be wrong to suggest that I was making a choice more about who I wanted to be than where I wanted to live. There could have been several explanations for why I preferred to stay in Spokane with Grandma. However, without question I understood that by staying with Grandma, we would continue to play our dress-up game. I also understood that if I were to move to Reardan with my family that would not be the case. So while it may not have been my only factor, it was a factor in my shared preference.
I do not know how my life would have changed if I had stated I wanted to move to Reardan. By this I mean, I do not know whether or not I would have stayed in Spokane anyway. Or maybe, if I had said I wanted to move to Reardan, the decision of the grownups in my life might have changed. Without question, if I had…