You asked me to keep you. What about you? You have no idea…
When we just started our story, you sent an email said ‘Legends, keep him.’ From that moment, I decided to put you with the heartprint in my deep side of the memory. I knew you are different from those ones and I knew you were supposed to be with me.
You have no idea I’m kinda girl who happened to get the sign or vision from the universe for my future life since very young age.
You have no idea when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I already knew that I would be different from other kids and I was assigned as a class representative later on for leading the classmates or attending all kinds of contests/events for schools from primary schools till university. I didn’t fight for that role all the time. It’s just happened to me.
You have no idea, I was pretty bored and annoyed to be the center of the events or being someone else for different people to meet their needs instead of making time for me. I guess it’s compassion, those compassion made me feel happy to help people and be there for them.
You have no idea, I got the vision which university I would enter when I was only 10 years old. At that time, my academic score was really good and one day I told my parents that I will enter that school, they were disappointed with my low aim. They thought I would get into Fudan or ones similar. I got into a good high school and stated to develop something else more interesting than studying academic such as cheer leading, hanging out, singing contests, starting up some small business, talking with different people and recording their stories. Eventually I got into the university that I got the sigh at my age 10.
The first time I felt like, I came to this world with a mission that universe would give me sign and all I need to do is waiting for the signs and follow up with the actions.
You have no idea when I turned to 20s I started to officially date with different guys. And I got the sign that what I need is a western guy (the first time when we were together, you asked me why I didn’t date Chinese. I felt like I was not able to explain to you and you said I’m racist remember? :p). You know what, the life was really interesting. After that signs, I came across a few guys from abroad. Americans, Europeans, Australians etc. Most surprising part was every time before I started a relationship, I got the vision that which country he will be from or his occupation sometimes.
You have no idea I was not prepared to fall into love for another person after a long-term relationship with a ex.
A few months before we met, you have no idea I got a sign from a dream. In that dream, I was told that I’m gonna meet a photographer. And then your nationality kept circling around in my head for a few weeks. I didn’t pay much attention since I had nothing to do with any Nordic related history or stories before.
You have no idea I even didn’t notice from the beginning until we met. I started to connected those dots from my very young age till this time our connection. I still can’t explain why but it did happened.
You of course will have no idea of all the points what I shared. But I know it so clearly now, I never tried so hard for something since I didn’t need to. I got what I was assigned with something I need to do for the next step of my life.
I could make more examples with the business I had to started up 6 years ago, the friends I need to help at a specific time, the secrets I should keep for some important people…
So you have no idea how happy I was when we finally met from cyber world to the real world. You have no idea how much courage I took to spend those 2 nights with you and I never did that before. I knew that’s what we were supposed to do to connect with each other and develop our story. When you said you’ve been searching for me for a few years (probably it’s just some nice words for you to impress me), I told you I’ve been waiting for you for a few years. Another part I didn’t say which is, you might be the one I was waiting for spending the life with. You didn’t believe me how could I be so determined. Coz I knew, or I would say, universe knows.
You have no idea how shocked I was when you told me you would take things slow. Suddenly, things seem changed. Timing changed you said. I didn’t know what was the life turning point at that moment, but I believe you are someone who’s also searching for the meaningful life with someone to spend life with. I asked you once, are you looking for a home or adventure? You said with a bit adventure but you are looking for home. That’s a nice gesture to show your maturity of the way you see a relationship. I appreciate for that.
You have no idea there’s a very special moment, I was thinking about you. Those moments I want to share with you the joys, happiness, rough days and new stuff.
And you have no idea how much I miss you many nights before I go sleep. Our communication from first 3 months day-to-day chat till now once or twice a week. I know your life is going on but I feel you are leaving me alone bit by bit. You don’t seem to look out about my needs so much anymore. Your priority changed from “us” to “you” and probably “swiping right” already. It hurts. It really hurts. We haven’t started our trip together, we haven’t kissed in a snowy day yet, we haven’t done a lot of things together. How could you run away?
And now, all those sweet moments only make me feel more awkward. I haven’t receive any new sign but I finally will. Hope universe sends you signs as well. You will live your life as you always did.
I know you have lived many lifetimes since you were young. There’s one thing I know about myself is: I’m a good keeper. I want to hold you when are tired or wake up with tears when you are having nightmares; I want to cook for you after our work; I want to support you for what you want to achieve for the creative ideas to inspire more people to think. I want to be that keeper to protect your heart from those evil spirits. Please let me…
But it’s your choice eventually. As I shared with you before, in my life, I never wanted something as I didn’t really need to. They all come to me with the universe sign. But when we met, I want you. I want to be with you and I want to be your keeper.
All I tell myself now is: Be you, do your own thing and work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you, and stay.
What about you? Are you staying?