Self-discovery through “me” dates 2.0
I have a confession to make.
I rarely go on a “me” date.
I forget to do it.
When my girlfriend is away for the weekend, she reminds me that this is an excellent opportunity for me to go to one.
Sometimes I stay at home
When I wrote my 1.0 version of this blog post about 8 months ago, I had only gone to a few “me” dates so far.
Although I didn’t consider myself an expert, people were coming to me with questions how to go on a “me” date and I had strong opinions.
Many asked me —
“Can I have a “me” date at home?”
“No, you can’t.
If you want to make someone feel special, wouldn’t you take them out on a date? Somewhere cute and cozy, with delicious food? Somewhere where you can enjoy yourselves over a drink or two? Somewhere where you could celebrate each other?”
If you consider “you” important, then treat yourself the way you’d treat others.
Make an effort. Think.
Where would you enjoy to go?
Where would you feel special?
What would be a place you’ve never been before, but you always wanted to visit?
What are the things that really get you excited?
Jazz, great. Well, then go to Nialler9, Programata, or wherever people check for gigs in your city and see if there’s one tonight. Take yourself to it. Fancy a cocktail before that?
Now, you’re special!
Yet, last night, I did prefer to just stay at home and have my “me” date here. I got some veggies and fish, cooked myself a healthy, delicious dinner. And watched a movie. I picked the menu and I picked the movie — for me.
I guess sometimes we do invite the special person in our life to come for dinner at home and watch a movie together. And that could be as special. It’s what you make out of it.
Not any kind of staying in is a “me” date.
Not any kind of going out is a “me” date.
You need to find your own balance of your “me” dates
- what kinds of “me” dates do you enjoy?
- if you stay home/go out, why does it count as a “me” date?
- where do you enjoy going for one?
- do you go on different type of “me” dates in different situations?
- how often is often enough for you?
In a way, there’s no wrong way of doing it.
As long as you dedicate the time to love yourself.
Sometimes I forget to dedicate time to love myself
Heard of RuPaul’s Drag Race? It’s an American reality competition show in the search for “America’s next drag superstar”.
A year ago I thought it was irritating, fake drama, just over the top, I didn’t get its humor. I’m the kind of person who thinks watching reality tv is below me.
Fast forward, a week ago while my girlfriend was making us breakfast, I entered the kitchen with a bang, dressed in my pyjamas, singing the lyrics from the show’s theme song: “Cover girl! Put the bass in your walk.”
I looked fierce.
I pouted my lips.
I did the walk.
I gave the look.
My girlfriend just loved it!
Initially I didn’t really see what it takes to be a drag queen. The hard work. The attention to details. The pop culture knowledge. The boldness to express. The eclectic concepts.
Doing drag is a form of expression. It is a path towards self-acceptance. It is a journey to self-love.
No, I’m not saying — go do drag this weekend.
The philosophy of the show got stuck with me.
It is the line that RuPaul, the host, says at the end of every episode and everyone responds Amen! to that:
“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” says RuPaul.
And I say —
“Me” dates are your time to love yourself.”
(That’s how my love for RuPaul grew. Recently together with Dean we created an Enhancv resume for RuPaul!)
So what’s a “me” date?
The urban dictionary defines “me” dates as “an enjoyable evening spent alone where one treats themselves as if they were their own date”.
Ironically, I heard about the concept of “me” dates on a date.
The type of date that involves two people.
It was during the first date with my girlfriend.
She told me she does them every now and then as a way to reconnect with herself. She was telling me how she’d take herself to a gallery or a dinner.
Back then I realized it wasn’t something I do and I felt uncomfortable just thinking about actually doing it. It was more than uncomfortable, it was the fear of not doing anything and being on my own. No distractions. I wanted to overcome this fear.
I challenged myself to do “me” dates regularly and use them as a tool for my weekly self-discovery.
In the last one year most of the “me” dates I’ve done have been related to treating myself to a delicious meal.
That delicious pizza up in Stoneybatter.
That brunch this weekend in a place I went to just because it has a sunny table.
Sometimes it’s been a pint at Bernard Shaw or elsewhere.
Once it was 30min just sitting on a rock near the Black Sea while my girlfriend was doing her makeup.
The last one probably didn’t involve any eating or drinking because we were just about to head to the wedding party of Velina, Enhancv’s COO and my close friend.
How I’m changing “me” dates for me
I challenge myself to take myself out to gigs.
Soul, jazz, or r’n’b. Sugar Club usually has that type of gigs in Dublin. The International Bar has intimate jazz sessions a few days a week. I haven’t really tapped into the scene at all, as there’s so much to explore!
I will keep you posted through my instagram stories.
Not having the time for a “me” date
There’s no sugar coating to this one.
Either make the time for a “me” date, or admit to yourself that you don’t find you important enough for yourself.
Vessy.com is a new initiative
I am writing articles with practical advice on how to overcome your daily struggles, reconnect with yourself, and create a meaningful life.
To help others learn about “me” dates
- clap to this article 👏
- know a friend or two who would really benefit some “me” time? You should probably send them the link to read it.
Want to know more about “me” dates?
See how the different types of “me” dates can help you with your body, mind, or soul —