Whenever I See You…

-the ordinary world melts away in an instant

-my mind floods with thoughts of the magical, the mystical, the divine

-my eyes strain to take in all the shimmering colors as when the sun hits the ocean bathing everything in brightness

-my heart jumps for joy, that a muse worthy of the finest artists stands before me

-my legs strain to hold the body upright against an intoxicating wave of beauty

Am I worthy of this moment; this overwhelming surge of pleasure? Staring would be rude but deeply satisfying…fleeing would be strange and justifiable with so much adrenaline coursing through.

When I was a child, I made the mistake of sticking a hairpin in an electric socket. EWZZZZ…POW…Silence. Opening my eyes, blown back many feet from the wall, breathless, stunned, hands and feet all tingly, in awe of what otherworldly event occurred. When I talk of you in the same breath as the supernatural, I know what I speak of.

In a sea of millions, I ask myself, why you? Some questions have no answers and only require that one has faith. It is in surrendering that an answer will come some day or not understanding at all, that we often find life’s subtle rewards. Similar to an amuse-bouche laying on the tongue bringing rolling hints of unexpected pleasure upon pleasure. What is, just is—breath, heartbeat, taste, touch, love, lust—natural as it should be. It is foolish to ponder a reason. For a moment, enjoy the craving, the longing, the yearning because the hurt will come, it always does.

The price for breathtaking euphoria, gazing upon you, will be days of painful withdrawal. Every space feels the climb-down—mental, physical and emotional. As with any narcotic, the after-effects must be paid. For every time I vow I won’t seek out a fix again, the words remain hollow. I’ll step up each and every time. Would it be any different if I were the one holding you in my arms?

Whenever I see you, I don’t know how many more times I can see you.

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Image by Caroline

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