I Never Planned a Divorced, struggled on My Own, and was a Single Mother! Here’s What I’ve Learned
There’s nothing WORSE than going through a relationship that falls apart that we called a broken heart
I decided to be a single mother!
Does anyone have the same experience as me? Or perhaps, you’re in this situation at the moment?
You’re not ALONE!
Well, I don’t think many people decide to become single parents. Most people who become single parents do not do so by intent. There are many reasons why people are deciding to become single parents.
I became a single mother in 2007 when my then-boyfriend and father to my daughter got caught cheating and looked at me with utter coldness and told me he wanted to divorce.
That was a moment of pure pain and horror for me and my daughter then 1 year and 8 months old.
I was 24 years old. I had no money. I was launched into a battle of survival.
Having a partner, engaging in a healthy relationship, getting married then having kids was the goal of everyone. We all want to be loved and give our love to our significant other.
But what if the situation is the other way around?
Back in 2004, I met my husband, we had a good relationship then we decided to get married and in 2006 I gave birth to a baby girl. I was so happy and felt whole as a person.
The dream that I’ve always imagined becomes a reality. Yes, I have a family.
I try my best to give comfort and do everything to be a good mother as well as to be a good wife. I give my all to make them happy.
While I was dreaming about a beautiful life, unfortunately, this beautiful story has to end. He started to change and obviously, he wanted to break up and divorce me.
Infidelity comes!
Yes, my husband got caught cheating, he has an affair and left for new woman. He breaks our marriage vow. And the worst is she’s carrying his baby.
When I first heard about it, the whole bottom falls out. I of course cried and fell into a dark depression, this was all new to me. I feel hopeless, angry, and disappointed. The dreams that I had is suddenly broken into pieces. My whole life was upside down.
I lost all respect for him because of his act. I don’t trust as easy as I once did, I’m not as optimistic, I don’t smile or laugh the same, I am not my normal happy self, I look at love different.
I wasn’t ready to face this alone. I’m afraid to be a single mother. How am I going to survive? The fact though, I’m shy about what other people think or say about me.
I was baffled as to how anything like this could have occurred to me. I tried anything to save my marriage but luck was not on my side. As hard as it was to accept, I finally did. I accept this happened to me even if it’s scary and doesn’t know what’s going to happen in my future.
Time goes by, it’s been 16 years ago!
But hey, I’m OKAY now. I forgive him and also forget what is behind me.
Therefore, I want to share something that is valuable through this story with the hope that anyone who is going through the same predicament right now, will also learn something.
So, since the divorce, I choose to remain as a single mother. Even though I’ve tried to date several men but none of them worked. And to be honest, I’m quite exhausted.
Being a single parent is extremely difficult work. I need to be both mom and dad to my daughter. And the most difficult thing about being a single mom is keeping your child’s heart from being broken.
I did everything I can to protect and support her. Besides, I also try to always be there for her in times of need.
I say all this to say that it won’t be easy and there are good and bad days. It takes some time to get adjusted to but it can be done.
Was it really hard to be a single parents?
Yes, it was hard and it was also a tough road to walk in especially when things get hard, it’s just you. Nobody will be there to help or carry your bags but don’t worry too much, all things that we going through will shall too pass.
There will be times when you feel alone and lonely. But that’s OKAY! It’s normal to feel that because a void that used to be filled, is now, in its emptiness.
Being alone just sucks, especially when you’re someone who really likes to be Not Alone. Who enjoys everything better with someone to share it with.
And being lonely? Being Lonely is not that bad, just feel weird sometimes. And that’s OKAY too as long as you still have family and friends.
Single life offers FREEDOM
Single life offers freedom. You can do everything you want and go everywhere you like. No one will bother you. That’s the bonus!
You don’t have to worry about hurting.
You don’t have to worry about being abused
You have freedom, to choose.
Not having to tell someone where you are.
Complete control.
Singleness may be the most important time of your life, a space where you are not responsible for anybody else except for yourself.
So, it’s OKAY to be single but not Alone!
Last but not least, I don’t want this experience to be something I can never come back from. And most of all I don’t want to be bitter, for that would literally be the opposite of myself/nature. I do use this as a learning lesson and I don’t take the lessons learned for granted.
If you are single now, don’t spend all your energy looking for a partner, it’s OK to focus on yourself because singleness is the foundation of all relationships.
Singleness is a state to be pursued not avoid. The more single you are, the more successful your relationship becomes, not just marriage, it could be friendship.
I don’t choose to be a single mum, I certainly didn’t choose this way. But life gives me this experience in order to understand that hope still exists.
I am happy being a single parent for now and have less stress.
I can order food, walk out the door, spend money, make money without any sort of negotiation. Totally free!
Maybe one day in its time, everything will be beautiful and the love that once dissolved will spark again and bloom.
Life is tough being a SINGLE PARENT but it is much easier than being with another WRONG PARENT.
