The America I would love to see my 2 year old daughter grow up in…

My daughter (Ria) turns 2 today. She was born 2 weeks earlier than expected. The whole process including labor was so quick that at first the doctor didn’t believe my wife (Ranak) that Ria was about to pop out… Ranak knew the sex of the baby but I didn’t since I wanted it to be a surprise until I saw the baby for the first time. I was hoping for a girl so badly that I was only thinking of girl names, and Ranak was thinking of both girl and boy names!

It was around the 3 month mark when I took paternity leave that I really bonded with Ria and we became friends. Since then life has changed a fair bit. Biking has been taken over by swinging in the park, Saturday morning SoMa brunches have been taken over by swimming classes followed by micky mouse pancakes or egg sandwiches in San Carlos, reading magazines/books has switched to reading nursery rhymes and children stories, photographing landscapes have been taken over by photographing Ria, and sleep has become a rare commodity. Somehow we still managed to travel with Ria to Japan, Italy, Turkey, Hawaii, Seattle, and Chicago although the way we travel now is so different — 5x the luggage, and 0.2x things to do. Never before have I experienced so much joy in giving up so many things I love to do at the same time. It’s been an experience of a lifetime and while I was very nervous getting into this phase of life I couldn’t be happier that Ranak really wanted to have a baby 😃

Over the last two years I have had a few realizations that have completely changed the way I thought about the kind of society I want Ria to grow up in. I am sharing this on Ria’s birthday in the hope that it will cause some conversation among friends and family and may lead to some positive impact no matter how small it is.

1. Healthcare

We had access to the best healthcare in the world when Ranak was pregnant, during the delivery, and now that Ria is growing up. In spite of having access to the best healthcare Ranak’s pregnancy was painful, mostly because that’s how pregnancies are. I can not even imagine how difficult it is for families to have to go through the process without having access to proper healthcare. I hope Ria grows up in a country where access to healthcare is a fundamental right not just a privilege to those who can afford it.

2. Childcare

Ranak works for the federal government of the United States of America. As a federal employee she received 0 days of paid maternity leave. America is one of the 4 countries (others being Swaziland, Lesotho and Papua New Guinea) in the world where maternity leave is not mandatory. We were lucky that Ranak could take time off without pay until she felt comfortable leaving Ria at daycare, and going back to work. A lot of people in the country can not take a single month off without salary. They shouldn’t have to choose between taking care of their newborn (and recovering from pregnancy) vs getting paid.

Some private for-profit companies give ample maternity and paternity leave to their employees but it is optional. Again, this needs to be mandatory. I was lucky that I worked at Evernote where even fathers get 6 weeks of paid leave to take care of, and bond with their new born. I can not emphasize how much taking that time off helped me develop a bond with, and take care of Ria.

Once Ranak and I both went back to work Ria started going to daycare. Daycare is expensive in this country. In a country where the median household income is ~$53,000 and hasn’t seen a net increase since 1989 a significant percentage of parents can not afford to send their kids to daycare. This is broken and needs to be fixed.

I hope Ria grows up in a country where parents have access to affordable childcare.

3. Education

We will likely be sending Ria to a good public school. If we lived in an area with a bad public school system we would try to send her to private school. But the fact is that sending your kid to a good school is a very expensive proposition because you either need to live in an area with expensive housing, or be able to send your kids to private school. A lot of America families can not afford it. As a result the racial segregation of schools has been intensifying because the segregation of neighborhoods has been intensifying. So if you are poor, black, or Hispanic your access to (good) education is limited. Yet Congress has cut spending on K-12 education by nearly 20 percent since 2011. And I am talking about basic education not even higher education.

Education is the bedrock of any society. By limiting (good) education to certain neighborhoods or race we are creating a society of unequals, one where some people have a significantly higher chance of having a good life. How can this be the foundation of any democracy?

I hope Ria grows in a county where our constitution guarantees access to good education regardless of income and race.

4. Equality for All

Most people don’t know that Ranak had a miscarriage 11 weeks into the first pregnancy. In addition to having very supportive friends and family we were lucky that we live in a state where a miscarriage doesn’t count as a crime and adds to the sadness and stress that someone who has a miscarriage is already already dealing with.

Since Ria was born I have become even more sensitive to women’s rights. Whether it is the pay gap, abortion, or safety there is so much more that needs to be done. But the larger shift in my mind has been “Equality for All”. Because if we solve for women’s rights but not for gay/lesbian equality, race equality, and religious equality we will not solve the underlying problem.

If you are in a certain group of people who think an unequal society won’t impact you you are wrong. It’s only a matter of time before you are in some group that becomes the target of the crazy people. Either a society provides equality for all, or none there is no in-between.

I hope Ria grows in a county where equality for all is not just some text in the declaration of independence but is engrained in the spirit of the people.

I was born in a socialist India but I belong to a generation that benefited tremendously from India adopting capitalism. I am a product of this capitalist model and I LOVE it. I share this because in America whenever we talk about things like education, and healthcare for all there is a fear that we are moving to a socialist model. I strongly disagree. We can be 100% capitalist yet provide education, and healthcare to all our citizens even those who can’t afford it because true greatness lies is in providing equal opportunity to all, where the privileged feel comfortable in extending a hand to the weaker sections of the society to achieve a better, sustainable quality of life. This is the only way to make America great.