The Real Me Doesn’t Exist

Some days I find it quite fascinating just to observe myself. I can wake up on any given day and be a different person than I was yesterday. Sometimes I think I should even name the 2 sides of my personality. The only sad part is that I am not fully either one, but I constantly long to be.

The one is named Logan. Logan is the ultimate bad ass, and to most people’s surprise has her shit completely together. She is the artist, writer, photographer. The muse to her own life. She is dark cherry finger nails and ripped denim. She rides a motorcycle and an off road jeep in matte black. She has people over for scotch and cigarettes. She is waist length sex hair and red lips. She is raunchy art and loft studio/apartment. She insists on living alone and the only type of workout she is interested in is sex. She does motocross and mountain climbing. She is adrenaline, off beaten path travel, and unusual people. She is espresso and black lingerie, always. Her favorite things are rain, books, and fire. She molds life into whatever subject she is presently interested in. Her friends are musicians, philosophy professors, sociologists, models and athletes. She travels for months at a time for research and inspiration. Her work is coveted by the most famous galleries all over the world. And she is known to have several lovers at once. She has collaborated on fashion lines and gave creative consultation on films. She is uninhibited yet private.

The other Annette. She is French manicure and Victoria Beckham dresses. She has friends over for brunch and tea. She sits on the board of several charities. She does yoga and private training sessions at equinox. She goes on yoga retreats and drives a white BMW. She gets blow outs three times a week and has a corner office overlooking the city. She travels in first class and sips rose by the pool on the coast of France. Her friends are CEOs, actresses, and fashion designers. She has an equally successful husband, and they throw lavish parties on yachts. She plays tennis at the country club and bends people to her will. She is bubbly yet intimidating. Her favorite things are spas, mimosas, and her girlfriends. Her house is all white, with candles, flowers and marble.

Do you have any advice for me?