Transition + 0 Discipline = Disappointment

Transitions are fucking hard. I don’t care what anyone says, THEY ARE FUCKING HARD. They throw you off, they ruin your routines, and they force you to recalibrate your lifestyle to sustain whatever change has been added to your life whether it’s switching jobs, moving to a new city, adjustments in diet, etc. I say this because I am currently struggling with a transition that is ruining my lifestyle therefore ruining my confidence.

I am transitioning to a new job which has caused a jarring rift in my workout schedule and equally as important, my eating habits. At my last job, I was fortunate to be surrounded by restaurants serving both healthy and delicious food as well as having two coworkers who lived healthy lifestyles. I was in the perfect situation to produce weight loss and healthy eating. However, it was not producing enough income to sustain the transition of an expired grace period on my student loans and a new car note.

So then came the transition, to a new job in a new city with new work hours, new coworkers, new (wildly unhealthy by comparison to my last job location) food options, and a completely new daily schedule which means a new workout routine which I am currently trying to re-establish.

The transitional struggle with which I’m dealing has almost nothing to do with my job really but more-so with my discipline. I don’t have the convenience of midnight workouts anymore because I have a longer commute and have to look like a real adult at my new job which means I have to sleep early to wake early; without working out being a convenience, I haven’t been doing it. My job is no longer in an area where health takes precedent over taste: therefore, I’ve been eating shit foods and whatever food my coworkers order for lunch.

So I’m not sure if my problem is clear but here is my best attempt at a thesis to describe my problem:

Since I entered the transition of a new job about three weeks ago, working out and eating healthy has become less convenient to implement into my new daily routine; therefore, with my lack of discipline, I’ve negated to workout and eat healthy during the transition. Having neglected the routines of my healthy lifestyle habits, I’ve found myself SEVERELY disappointed with both my current mental and physical status.

This problem added to another problem of mine: my self esteem.

Since graduating, I decided there were no excuses to being the best I can be for myself (athletically). I was eating clean, I reduced my alcohol intake drastically, I was working out regularly. However, this change in my lifestyle also changed my sources of pride. The part of me where I was once (and sometimes still am) proud of being able to drink 30 beers in about 4 hours was replaced with a part of me that was astoundingly proud to have gotten my mile run, something I have always struggled with, down to 9 minutes. So now, being in my current transitional state and not having any discipline with my health, my pride is shot. My pride is shot because I wasn’t able to run my mile straight through since I started my new job. My pride is shot because I weighed myself today and gained 3lbs. My pride is shot because someone felt the need to spot me at the gym without request because they saw me struggling. The most obvious proof that my pride is shot is that I dared to send the following to both my FGG and my boyfriend:

Let me make something clear, the only person to have ever really witnessed me bitch about my my self esteem is my mother who has heard me complain enough times ( and for however long I’ve been able to speak) that she has a routine response of: “you’re never going to be happy if you keep comparing yourself to others” or “you’re too preoccupied with your looks.” So for me to bring up my self esteem (which I immediately regretted the second I hit send) to the people for whom I try to be my most tough self makes it very clear that I have finally fallen. Not in the dramatic, rock bottom way; but the “I have this shitty feeling that is bothering me so much that I am willing to be vulnerable if it will help me feel understood” kind of way. However, after a long workout and an equally as long introspective shower I realize that my disappointment in myself is my own fault. I chose to not be disciplined enough. I chose to eat like shit for the past 3 weeks. I am the person that controls my actions and therefore has control in the ways I will see myself. It’s incredible how being vulnerable will motivate you to put yourself together as fast as humanly possible so you don’t have to do it again for a very long time, especially if you’re like me.

Obviously there is a solution to my discipline problem: stop being an asshole, start preparing your meals, and get to the gym regularly like you had been before. Grow some balls and stop saying yes because you want to eat soul food with your coworkers or because its Temple Tuesday and that blackened chicken is so fucking tasty.

The obvious solution is not always the easiest to implement. On the other side of that statement, the best results are not produced out of convenience or ease but out of hard work, dedication, and discipline. So, as I deduced in the shower, these are the next steps if I want to stop feeling like shit: work hard, be dedicated, and be disciplined. No excuses.

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