I have often felt like you and many of the commenters to you piece.
James M. Ridgway, Jr.
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Melancholic by nature, I find “happy” to be an unsustainable state for me. I get happy… but I don’t stay there… and I’ve come to cherish that. The ‘down,’ as it were, makes the ‘up’ exceedingly delightful… a treasure.

I’m 71 and I’ve only “gotten my shit together” within the last couple of decades… and it’s not as if that means that life has been an easy ride or that there haven’t been any significant personal changes. Life is a puzzle and the pieces keep changing shape.