How Your Bathroom Mirror Can Help You Connect with Your Animal
Have you ever just threw up your hands in frustration over something your animal has done for the umpteenth time, feeling defeated. Thinking about all of the things you’ve tried to do to connect with them or to counteract any unwanted behaviour. Tired of the frequent vet visits? Exhausted from constantly seeking advice from behaviourists and trainers or from other fellow “fur-parents”? Thinking you’ve done everything possible? Maybe you’re feeling like you failed somehow and your not cut out for the responsibility, or even worse, angry at your “broken” animal and thinking that they aren’t worth the hassle?
It’s probably safe to say, many of us have been there. It’s not a fun place to be. You have all of these emotions and insecurities floating about in your head. Your heart may be breaking just thinking about the “what ifs”. Maybe there’s a financial strain or you’re just so angry that it’s taking all of your strength not to lash out. Well… before you completely throw in the towel and give your animal up to a shelter and put their lives in potential danger, take a step back. Breathe. Let’s try to look at this in another way.
What’s that you say? Your animal doesn’t have behaviour issues? That’s great! Oh, but you are still struggling to connect with them? I see… Ok, well, if connection is what you are wanting, then keep reading. This article will help you too.
We all have to realise that animals are very different from us in many ways. They don’t think, feel, or problem solve at the level humans do. They have their own unique way of handling uncomfortable situations and emotions and they NEVER react or act without reason. This is very important to keep in mind. Their reasons may be unknown to us, but there is ALWAYS a reason. Knowing that, we need to begin looking objectively at the animal’s environment, nutrition, their life history (especially if they are a rescue)… All of these things can play a role.
Animals do not have complicated emotional states like us humans. Yes, there are some emotions they have learned from us over the centuries, but at their core, their emotional spectrum is quite simple. On one end, is fear and on the other end, is contentment. The more fearful they are, the more disconnected they feel and insecurities and behaviour issues will be present. The more content they are, the more they will feel secure, connected, and happy within their “family unit”.
So where does the “bathroom mirror” come in, you ask?
As mentioned above, all animals respond to their environment, correct? Well, what is the biggest and most important part of that environment?
You are. You are the one looking back out of that bathroom mirror.
You have tried all of the external things with little success. What about if you started looking internally for the answers? What would that look like and how is that going to help you connect with your animal?
First, you need to be open and willing to take on some of the responsibility for your animal’s mental and emotional state. Do an inventory of your behaviors, what you do and don’t do. Are you making sure they get enough exercise? Are you giving them enough positive attention? Are you feeding them a healthy diet? Do they have to go clear across the house and into the garage just to use the litter box? Are you expecting your animal to just “know” what you want from them? Do you yell at them? Are you expecting them to do exactly what YOU want without taking their needs into consideration?
A dog that doesn’t get exercise, will have an excess of energy and that will come out in destructive behaviours like couch chewing. An animal who eats a poor diet may end up with allergies, poor health, psychological and neurological issues from not enough nutrition. A cat that has to walk a long distance to use a litter box, may end up soiling other parts of the house. And if you discipline using fear tactics, you’ll end up with an animal who is incredibly frightened of you and you lose the respect of your animal.
Do you see what I’m getting at?
Now… Once you’ve answered those questions, it’s time to go a bit deeper. What is YOUR emotional state? Are you confused? Are you under a lot of stress? Are you struggling with depression, anxiety, or debilitating fear? Believe it or not, your emotional state has an incredibly huge impact on your animals.
If you suffer from anxiety, your animal may suffer from anxiety. It’s just that the results will be different. You may suffer from panic attacks, but your animal may present as aggressive or bark excessively. If you struggle with depression, your animal may become depressed as well. A fearful you equals a fearful animal… and so on. The only difference is, we humans can most often compensate and adapt to our experience, an animal just gets confused. They don’t know how to process what they are feeling so they act out and lose direction. That stresses them out which can cause more confusion and so the cycle continues. It is up to us as animal guardians and stewards, to interrupt that cycle by providing our animals with an environment where they feel safe, secure, and respected. An environment where there is very little confusion for them.
Once you can take this journey of accountability and discovery, you can make the adjustments necessary. You will find yourself becoming more aware of your interactions with your animal. You will begin to see your animal differently and start to understand where THEY’RE coming from. As rapport builds between you, connection grows stronger, until one day, you and your animal become a true partnership. The animal feels heard. You feel heard. When that happens, any situation that comes up will be easier to rectify because your animal now looks up to you, respects you, and most importantly, loves you unconditionally. Isn’t that what we are all looking for in a relationship?
Victoria Stigliano-Dzuban is an Animal Spirituality and Energy Facilitator, a Healing Touch for Animals Practitioner, Reiki Master Teacher, and Enlightenment Mentor. For more information about Victoria and her work, please go to www.creativehealingandwellness.com or find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/creativehealingandwellness
Photo Credit: Andre Mouton
