Developing your negotiation skills
Learnings from the book “Never Split the Difference”
Skills to thrive after the crisis
How to adapt and survive the current economic crisis? According to HBR’s analysis, some skills are more valuable than others in moments like these. Communication, Creativity, Adaptability, and Self-control, just to name a few. If you are willing to work on these, I bet there is nothing better than start reading Chris Voss’s “Never Split the Difference — Negotiating as if your life depended on it”.
The book
“Splitting the difference is never a win-win”
But what exactly does that mean? The author provides us with a short story of “negotiation” about a wife that wanted the husband to wear black shoes while he wanted brown. How insane it would be to wear one shoe of each color? Halfway would never work. This is why splitting the difference for him is never a win-win, especially in his area of expertise — the hostage negotiation center.
Chris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator, that made his way as a teacher and book author. You can tell he really knows how to talk to people just by going through the pages: with a very personal and detailed narrative, loaded with his real-life examples — used to corroborate each one of the theories contained in the book — it’s almost impossible to lose track. Now let’s explore some of the main topics present in the book.
Failing and learning
Be aware that failures are a part of most processes, so it could happen sometimes. But how you choose to deal with it, might potentially change your life. Chris shows us multiple situations in his former job, where his theories worked empirically, with a happy ending in the negotiations. On the other hand, he also gives us examples of big failures, with terrible outcomes. But how he ended up being even more successful afterward? Because these events literally shaped Chris, motivating him to work harder on his self-development: to study, change procedures, test new theories, think of new strategies, and the most important of all: to keep always moving forward, even when there are setbacks.
Be a good listener
“The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control. Keeping your emotional cool, listening, using calibrated questions, like “how and what” instead of “no” and “why”.
Listen to people. It’s widely known that part of being a great Communicator is learning how to listen carefully to what people have to say. This is an important step in the path of building empathy and getting to know more about your counterpart. When people talk, they want someone to listen and understand their ideas. The key is to listen nondirective, without fighting back. At some point, you will manage to use all the information received as leverage to get what you want.
Stay focused — bargaining
“The art of closing a deal is staying focused till’ the very end. There are crucial points at the finale when you must draw on your mental discipline. Don’t think about what time the last flight leaves, or what it would be like to get home early and play golf. Do not let your mind wander. Remain focused”.
Voss got an incredible discount on a red Toyota 4Runner that he fell in love with. The original price: $36,000. The price he wanted to pay (and paid): $30,000. After talking with the salesman for a while, he was offered a discount: 34,000. He stayed calm and said that he could only pay 30. The price went down again: 32,500. He played with the emotions, saying that he loved the vehicle, and really would like to buy it, but only for 30. In the end, he paid the price he wanted in the first place, which was 30,000. Sales sometimes can be an emotional framing job.
To be a skilled bargainer, you have to learn how to read the psychological currents running below the surface. It’s not only about offers and counteroffers. And remember: once you’re clear on what your bottom line is, you have to be willing to walk away. Never be needy for a deal. According to the author: no deal is better than a bad deal.
Building leverage
One of the most important aspects of all negotiations is learning how to build leverage upon your counterpart. Interpreting the subtleties of communication, both verbal and nonverbal, is the best way to start. You should also keep in mind that there are various concepts of fairness to use for your benefit.
In the book, Voss says that the real game-changing situations using leverage come with the reveal of the “Black Swan”. But what is that? They are hidden and unexpected pieces of information that could have an immediate effect on a negotiation dynamic. The “Black Swans” are breakthroughs that shift the game in a way that is almost impossible for the counterpart to reverse it.
So, if you are thinking about building leverage, go find the Black Swan.
