Vienna De Vega
Sep 7, 2018 · 2 min read

I gave this story the max 50 claps. Not because I agreed with everything. Far from it. Many prior commenters spoke from a considerably more mature and balanced viewpoint. But because Allie Kruk stepped up and exposed so much of her intimate self — the hurt that she lived with for so long, her attitude toward sex and post-coital behavior, and, really the foremost issue, the idea of orgasm as a “thing” and which partner caused this thing to happen.

This kind of exposing oneself in the raw as it were — whether out of anger, misandry, social commentary, self-analysis, or the basic desire to be heard, if not understood, will inevitably take considerable heat.

I most agree with Francesca Anderssen , that sex resides in the mind rather than the body. I have orgasmed just from thinking about a lover, so I can attest.

However, if the mind is the director of sexual arousal, the body is the stage and the genitals the performers, is there a person involved who can lay claim to whose orgasm it is? Nope. Eastern philosophy posits that we are not the body or the mind or a specific gender and that it’s only the ego which came up with those false beliefs. The rest is the mind, the brain, the nervous system, body fluids and other parts doing their dance.

In asking if we made our partner cum, we’re taking full responsibility for a mutual act and creating an illusory pass/fail situation. If our partner wasn’t orgasmic, nobody really failed anybody. Not each other or ourselves. We may be frustrated and tired, but we never failed. Eastern philosophy also tells us that we share a Higher Consciousness beyond the egoic mind. Given that, what we can really aspire to in sex is greater communication and less pre-judgement.

Apart from the many personal issues that have plagued Allie Kruk, perhaps it boils down to a new way of recognizing what an orgasm is when created by two people who are mutually engaged in sex — a giving of a sublime experience to each other. “Let me go crazy on you,” as Heart sang with so much passion back in the day.

So instead of asking, “Did I make you cum?” indicating an act of egoic pride, what if it became, “Did I help you cum?” indicating an act of loving service. Then sexual communication would truly be a two-way street.

Vienna De Vega

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Scorpio moon woman. Resident of the 8th zodiac house of sex, lust and intimacy. Venture with me down the erotic highway of my mind.