It’s been a while since I penned anything down and, very frankly, I believe I miss it. But as at this time, this very minute that I’m typing this line, I’m not sure what I want to write about , though I believe I will find the path to the topic before I put my full stop on this sentence.
It appears I’ve drummed up something while, of course, listening to Selena Gomez’s Cologne, off her 2015 Revival album. I want to talk about (ask, more like) why people have expunged affection, care and love from their relationship (or friendship, as it individually applies) with people and replaced them with competition and a race of who is pettier, more insensitive, quicker to move on from such union of relationship or friendship. It has devolved and degenerated to a point where it’s almost believed you have no blood running in your veins if you don’t have any atom of pettiness towards the person you’re in any kind of relationship with, in spite of the soothing comfort such an arrangement should offer.
Relationships are now a catch-me-if-you-can game of who can weather the awkward silence that follows a slightly heated argument; who will call first if there is any uncomfortable event that has occurred, which neither wants to talk about in order to avoid a fight that will lead to an even colder, more awkward silence. People who find it beneath them to let things genuinely slide or, at least, have them amicably addressed in a relationship, however find it much more convenient to let the anger subtly take over, maybe even turn it up a notch by letting it dictate their next lines of action in a few weeks — or months — depending volume of their emotional bottle. The lid comes off violently and the content thereof ruins what otherwise looked like a peaceful table. In no time at all, messages encrypted with protracted displeasure would rent their social media space, where a loudly deafening “no negative energy, positive vibes only” would be relentlessly posted for all to see: the ego-bloating ‘mickey mouse’ race of who’s the pettier has therefore been set in motion.
Are people indeed interested in friendships anymore or are they simply on a quest to find someone who is undoubtedly subjugated by their emotional superiority complex? In search of someone who puts them first when, in fact and absolute reality, they are willingly unprepared to do the same when the table is turned. Could this also be the reason many friendships are formed with the foundation of a mutual hatred for an individual or a certain phenomenon? “OMG! You hate Linda Ikeji…me too…giiiiirrrrrlllll” or “Guy, me sef hate Mourinho die!!!” kind of foundation?
At this point, the Selena Gomez’s album, a beautiful one by the way, has berthed at “Me and the Rhythm” track and I find myself asking why it is so difficult to keep friends as opposed to how it used to be quite easy. The generations before us built and kept friendships that many of us have immensely benefited from. Nowadays, it’s a different ball game. Everyone believes their sanctimonious stance should be duly observed, respected and worshiped, hence they leave no room for mistakes followed by subsequent remorse and apology. We are convinced that we are the best friend anyone could ever wish for, therefore stuck in the selfish narrative that we are merely tolerating people we call friends.
“I am so perfect, so let me shed this weighty friendship dragging me behind off” is echoed persistently in our minds at the slightest misdeed, even if it’s not directed at us. No room for correction, or a chance to help the other people grow. While that is in mind, I am aware some friends don’t like being corrected, therefore consider every correction harsh criticism. This is also why some have never experienced personal development: they want people to pat them on the back, like cats.
At age 25, you’re entrenched deeply in search of people who condone your ways because you think you have an emotionally superior complex that should come first before anyone else’s. You don’t want to be corrected; you don’t want to be brought to the awareness of your errors; you want someone who will put up with your lifestyle, outlook on life, that doesn’t ever seem to grow year in and year out.
Friends are supposed to make each other grow in as many facets of your life as possible, at least that is what I believe. Part of growth is learning to take criticisms — and I know they hurt sometimes — learn the lessons, and put things in order, all the while realizing that no one’s ever perfect and you too, believe me, can never be. But we take it one day at a time, improving daily. The core of this writing is why people have seen friendship — or relationship, as the case may be — as an avenue to advance the growth of their ego and emotional superiority, while ignoring the real purpose of friendship being to help each other grow, develop, build and succeed together.
Maybe your friends aren’t judgmental. Maybe you just consider yourself too important, too high, too self-conceited to be corrected, thus seeing any disapproval expressed towards any of your actions as judgmental. Maybe you’re just so absorbed in your sense of self that you’re not aware that your friends see you better than you may ever see yourself, although this doesn’t mean they know you better than you do yourself. Anyone who cares about you will tell you the truth, no matter how bitter and uncomfortable it makes you feel, and it doesn’t mean they care less about you. I know, moreover, that some people want their backs patted, even if it links them speedily to the superhighway of self-destruction.
I’ve had lots of friends, some I outgrew, some I kept, some…I don’t know. The point is, I’ve learned many things from my friends, be it when we were together or after we had moved on from each other. All of them have had genuine impact into who I have become — an imperfect guy, who believes there’s always a lesson daily in everything, from anyone, even if some people consider me insensitive because I like to be blunt and call what I see as I see it without mincing words.
The song on the album playing now is “Body Heat” with a line saying “…all I need, all I need is your body heat right next to me…” anyway, as I was saying, maybe I’m called insensitive because I tell it as it is and they could be right, but I could never be accused of not caring, not being protective, or not loving. I’m pragmatic most times, to a point of selfish perfection sadly, that I’m more concerned about and focused on the core or product of an action than the path that leads me there. Result matters! Yet, I love my friends and anyone I dare call my woman.
Back to how the purpose of true friendship has been eroded. Can I have more friends? Absolutely! Am I comfortable with having more and new friends? Certainly not! Simply because I’m trusting, I let my guard down too quickly, and I consider it too much stress for me to constantly look over my shoulders, yet we live in precarious times when you have no idea what the other person’s true intentions are, no matter how nobly inviting they appear. It’s a long shot, maybe worth it, but can I really afford the luxury of invested emotions and time, only to find out the attempt at the new friendship was totally not worth it? Sadly, no! Such is what life has come to with the people around us. You’re afraid to speak to your friends about your situation and experience because if they walk away — and many will — you don’t want to become the juicy conversation implemented in cementing a new friendship elsewhere which, I almost guarantee, will eventually go south.
Is your friend really your friend? Are you your best friend’s best friend?
The songs play on, and at this minute it’s the lovely track “Nobody” saying, “…nobody’s gonna love me like you, nobody uh, nobody no uh, nobody’s gonna love me like you do, liiiiike you ooooh ooooh.”
*eyes close, left hand swirls in the air, head nods slowly”