7 Hacks to get invited to startup events

As the clamor for being an entrepreneur reaches high decibels (seems like a very cool thing to do, last heard we are about 19K + in India), so do these start up events which promise to be showcasing disruptions, innovations, ecosystem, unicorns,media, path-breaking, VC’s, investors, funding (yes, they have parked a truck load of $ bills at the venue), who is who (don’t know who), High voltage ( bear with the power cuts), sponsor sessions (verbal diarrhea ), networking opportunities (throw your Vcards ), etc. basically one endless list…

So just get ready for some Popcorn time and here is what you can do to make the most of it, cause you are an entrepreneur :O)

But, before you attend these events you need to do a couple of simple things to be a part of one:

1. Create a word-press website with the trending key words of these events like Social, mobile, analytics, cloud (SMAC), big data, e-com, IOT etc… they are always about buzz words, so just follow the buzzz
2. Visiting cards for you and your treating team (remember Airtel friends and family offer) please ensure they have fancy designations (like some directors), add some not being used email id’s and spam calls phone nos.
3. Learn the fancy Jargons, know the sponsors and read something up about your hosts — you need to do this much at least for a free lunch/ dinner and those booze sessions. (remember free free free).
4. Be generous, drop your cards in those exhibitor booths, registration desks and pass some over to the analysts as well — They all have targets like you too, also they need to keep sending you the “not to be read” news- letters and “to be read” event invites…;0).
5. At times throw up an accent, somehow a phirangi accent gets more attention, also use the word Valley a couple of times (eg: back in the valley, not alley).
6. Give a good feedback, their bosses pay them for this and they always want to hear good things for the spent time and money, so be nice to them, you need them for the next one.
7. Last but not the least, after your food is digested, you’ll see some mind numbing event success PR, please run along with them, remind yourself of the Biryani and booze, (even your Chacha won’t do this Kharcha).

Now that you are all set, in all probability you should be able to attend 80% of these events, unless you screw up.

Here are some scenarios when you need to attend these events,

1. Since the last time you took your family for a treat in a five star hotel was when you had a job,
2. Your friends demand a treat, so…
3. The happy hours are never on weekend, but these events are,
4. You have some work in the neighborhood, drop in
5. Face parking issues on a shopping trip with your family 
6. You and your friends thought you should hang around in a common place ( free wifi, a/c, food, booze, uber cool factors, selfie opportunities, coffee shops are less interesting places off late).
7. Want to improve your klout score and increase your Fb views, so your network can hit those likes and keep raving about you,
8. You are tired of home food / cook hasn’t shown up and of course don’t want to pay.
9. You want to hear some grape-wine news and not miss being a part of social gathering
10. Your friend is doing this event and you want to help your buddy
11. Those speakers, sponsors needed some gratification and you- the Santa Claus
12. Get feedback from practitioners who haven’t practiced yet, 
13. Attending an event is better than burning money on the new movie or
14. Just find your new free reason

So, here is to wishing you more of those great event luncheons / dinners and awesome networking sessions at the “short of adjectives” plateau shifting events.

About the author: Running a popcorn startup, disappointed with the abuse of startup ecosystem, dreamer of a product nation, ardent optimist to make India a valued nation.
Ps: No event organizers,startups , chimps, kaamwali or other support staff were harmed while scripting this fictitious note for the ecosystem.
Chimp image credits: CCL