destroying yourself psychologically:
a how-to guide
Step One: find an unhealthy obsession and fixate
it doesn’t matter what it is, just make sure it’s damaging. my favorite subject for obsession? germs. but you can use whatever you have at home.
Step Two: rely on external validation
if a compliment comes from your own brain, don’t believe it. let your happiness be fully dependent on the outside world. compliments that would otherwise be unmemorable should be the foundation upon which you build your self-worth. before you know it, validation will be your drug of choice.
Step Three: take inventory of your flaws hourly
if you’re not constantly aware of all your flaws, you might forget about one.
Step Four: isolate yourself
destroying yourself psychologically isn’t a team sport. if you want to do it right, do it alone. being around other people might distract you from your insecurities, or the fact that the world is full of suffering, or the fact that life appears to be meaningless.
Step Five: if something’s out of your control, try to control it
failing to do the impossible is a great way to start the process of psychologically unravelling. whether it’s a traffic jam, bad luck, or love not being reciprocated, exhaust yourself trying to control the uncontrollable.
Step Six: detest every part of your daily life
if it’s something you have to do a lot, learn to hate it.
Step Seven: put all of your hope into one thing
first: find something unlikely to put all of your hope into.
second: imagine how amazing life would be if it happened.
third: realize it won’t happen.
rinse and repeat.
Step Eight: let a small inconvenience devastate you on an existential level
most people say don’t sweat the small stuff, I say sweat everything. if it’s something that would take most people an hour to get over, try to make it take a year. let your thoughts start at “ugh shit” and go all the way to “oh my god, nothing in life matters, we’re all just clumps of cells that exist only because the clumps of cells before us lived long enough to reproduce.” feel free to substitute your own existential concerns, this step is customizeable.
Step Nine: overthink. everything.
if something seems okay, you probably haven’t thought about it enough.
Step Ten: convince yourself you’re dying
in my opinion, it’s much easier to lose your mind if you think death is imminent. whether it’s a cough or a sore ankle, be sure to come to the conclusion that it’s the start of a debilitating illness. personally, i usually self-diagnose some sort of rare cancer, but i’ve also diagnosed myself with lupus, diabetes, heart disease, ebola, schizophrenia, COPD, dementia, flesh-eating disease, and most of the obscure conditions mentioned in TV drug ads. you can mix in any of your personal favourites as you see fit.
Step Eleven: live, laugh, love, let the people you love damage you
the first three are simple, the key is in the last one. whether it’s family members or close friends, let the things they say, or don’t say, or do, or don’t do bother you. here’s the tricky part, you shouldn’t tell them how you feel, because feelings are for losers, so keep it to yourself while you let their actions eat you alive until you’re basically no longer a person.
Step Twelve: don’t forget to blame yourself
finally, when all else fails, sit back and remember that it’s your fault it did.