Erectile Function Meter: For the high-performance penis.

You’re in front of your computer working when the thought suddenly strikes you, “When was the last time I had a really strong erection?” Sure, you have morning wood and the occasional accidental porn boner, but when was the last time you had a real erection that grew organically from simply being turned-on by a living breathing person? How would you know that it was a real boner and not just a semi-erect penis? Is the penis as hard as it could be and is it doing the good job you think it is? You can’t answer these questions because you have no idea what it means to have a high-performance penis. At Big Pharma, we recognize this problem and bring you the first Erectile Function Meter.

The Erectile Function Meter is a comprehensive and accurate assessment tool that determines the level of your penis performance. Having a high-performance penis isn’t just about size- although this is extremely important. A high-performance penis is like the formula race car of penises. It maximizes firmness and remains stiff long after you have expended your energy. The high-performance penis gets stiff on demand, pleases all partners with little effort, and is aesthetically pleasing to everyone.

The Erectile Function Meter uses the latest in boner science to give you an accurate assessment of your penis. This tool uses a robust system of diagnostics designed to provide you with complete penis health. You will be able to diagnose a variety of penis health factors including:

· Penis size (girth to length ratio)

· Bulge ratio

· Stiffness quotient

· Boner readiness

· Pleasuring (oral, anal, and vaginal)

· Boner stamina

Our penis diagnostics will provide you with the information you need to determine if you need to use Viagra or other penis enhancements.

You might be thinking, “My penis is fine because I get laid all the time and nobody complains.” You would be wrong. Did you know that 70% of girls and guys surveyed believed that having sex with their man was dissatisfying because his penis performance was similar to having sex with a sock containing a fishing weight?* Quit lying to yourself and admit that you have no idea how your penis is performing. Get the Erectile Function Meter and make sure your penis is healthy and high-performance.

A fictional doctor that appears to be real for marketing purposes.

Ladies, if you think penis health is important, then you might want to consider the health of your bum. Try our Gluteus Maximizer. Make sure your squat thrusts are maximizing the size of your ass the way they should.

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  • Survey results based on a sample population of 4 people not so randomly chosen.