The League of Extraordinary Trust Fund Babies
Fighting injustice, racism, and other important stuff.
“Okay, okay, everyone let’s quiet down and get this meeting started,” calls out Lars.
Lars stands behind a podium, in the gazebo, in the backyard of his Beverly Hills home. He adjusts a microphone and asks, “Did everybody get some wine? Do we need some more cheese?”
The other four members of the League sitting in the gazebo shake their heads in satisfaction. Lars taps the microphone and says,
I would like to thank all of you for joining me today and taking part in what I know will be a valuable service to society. I founded this group because it occurred to me while I was writing my last novel that as trust fund beneficiaries, we have the unique power to change the world. I knew right away I had to act on this inspiration, so I called my friend Giorgio who agreed to help and was instrumental in putting the League of Extraordinary Trust Fund Beneficiaries together. Now everyone was messaged on Facebook with a questionnaire and asked to contribute some ideas concerning helping society. We’re going to each take a turn on the mic and introduce ourselves and present a social issue that we feel is important. I will start.
My name is Lars and most of you know me as Lars the author. I have written several epic novels about the unfortunate less traveled people of the world. It was during my summer travels between college semesters that I realized that there were millions of people out there who have never traveled.
I was in Calcutta, headed to a spiritual retreat, and I was being taxied in a rickshaw. I took notice of the man pulling me along the streets. I thought to myself, this man has never had the experience of traveling anywhere. How unfortunate that he has never experienced New York or Malibu. I was inspired to write books about the unfortunate less traveled. I quit college and began traveling the world on a quest to understand and write about the plight of the less traveled. Recently, I realized that writing about this issue was not enough. It is my hope that by forming the League we will be able to put an end to this terrible problem. Thank you.
Everyone in the group applauded as Giorgio stood and took the podium. He wiped a tear from his eye and said to the group,
Wow, that story breaks me up every time I hear it. Thanks Lars. My name is Giorgio, and I am a part-time hypno therapist. As a hypno therapist, I have seen my share of human suffering. Recently, I was helping a client come to grips with some of her past-life experiences. She was having nightmares because in one of her past lives she was a princess and forced to marry a man she didn’t love. Tragic, I know. It was during our counseling sessions I realized that there must be millions of people out there who are unable to reconcile their past lives with their present life. So, I thought, how can I help these people and make hypno therapy affordable? That is why I am here. I would like the League to help me find a solution to this problem.
As Giorgio exited the podium, there was applause and talk. Voices in the group saying,
Maybe an application for the iPhone?
Yeah like a self-hypnotizing app that you use to work through your problems.
Lars spoke above the voices saying,
Okay everybody, those are some great ideas, but today we are just doing intros and presenting our concerns. Next week’s meeting is for strategies.
The group settled as a pretty young girl took the podium. She tapped the mic and said, “Can I go?”
Lars nodded giving the okay.
The young woman said,
My name is Skylar and I’m an Instagram model and micro influencer. People think that I’m just lucky to be born beautiful, but the truth is that Instagram modeling is tremendously difficult. Since the age of 14, I have devoted hours of my day to perfecting the selfie and best backside angles. This is to say nothing of the hours I devote to body sculpting and tanning. Ten years of homeschooling and hard work have finally started paying off with 500,000 followers and two ad clients.
One morning, while I was tanning, I was thinking about some story about some person who worked really hard and how that work rewarded him with more than just money. I thought, “That’s me. I’m that hard worker.”
I realized that my vast knowledge and experience with Instagram modeling could be put to good use by teaching ugly people and people with only a few followers how to make themselves better on social media. I want to help people become little stars of their own on Instagram so they don’t feel like losers. I am hoping that the League will help me make this dream of helping the digitally less fortunate come true.
As Skylar stepped away from the podium there was applause from the group and another pretty young lady stepped up to the podium. As the applause died, she spoke,
Hi everyone. My name is Tina, and I’m a stay at home social advocate for a lot of different issues. I speak out on Facebook and make little movies that discuss different important social issues such as the dangers of vaccinations, the need for breast augmentation for positive body image, and the risks associated with wearing high-heels. Recently, I was reading the headlines and got really upset because of all the racism out there.
Everyday some poor black person is getting beat up by cops and killed. Having dated a couple of black guys and one Hispanic at that community college I attended, I feel like I am in a unique position to help black people with racism. I want to use my knowledge and experience with black people to fight racism. I was hoping to enlist the help of everyone in the group to come up with unique ways to advocate for blacks. Thank you.
The group applauded and there was excited talk,
Maybe we should each make like hour long movies about racism and post them on Facebook each week?
An hour seems like a lot, do you think there is enough racism to talk about for an hour at a time?
We might need to break it up more.
Lars spoke above the din saying, “Wow, this is great, but we still have one more person to hear.”
Everyone quieted down and a young man took the podium. He adjusted the mic and began,
Hi everyone. My name is Tommy and those who know me call me the Big Brain. I got that nickname because I have a master’s degree in outdoor recreation and positive psychology. I work as a counselor for kids who need help coping with affluence. Unlike us, there are large numbers of rich kids that lose sight of what is important in life and develop deviant behavior. I work with these kids to get them back on track.
Now, what I want to present to the League is a serious situation that impacts a lot of people and is almost completely unknown. My issue is the inequity of trust fund beneficiaries.
The group murmured in confusion and Tommy waved his hands calming them and continued,
I know it sounds strange and it is complicated. Let me explain so you will understand the real tragedy. You see, trust funds are not all equal. There is a continuum of trust funds with some trust funds being like ours which I refer to as the Paris Hilton Trust category. This is the unlimited trust in which money is never a problem. Oppositely, there is the Average Joe Trust that might only pay a few thousand dollars a month to the beneficiary.
The League gasped in horror. Tommy shook his head in agreement and continued,
Imagine what life is like for the thousandaires. Imagine how they must live juggling their trust fund dollars and having to choose which things are more important to buy. Imagine having to decide between buying a new car or getting your yard landscaped. Imagine living on a budget or having to get a job.
I don’t know the answer to this problem so I thought the League might be able to help. Thanks.
The group stood and applauded. While clapping Lars approached Tommy and said,
I think we all know which social issue we’re tackling next week. Great meeting everyone. Let’s adjourn and I will have Isaac open the bar so we can have martinis.