Learning to change — over a year
It’s exactly a year since I tried to change and it wasn’t easy. Time is a leveller, a great teacher, a great punisher and one can do miracles if you use it better or go down the rabbit hole with unwise usage. I still remember the “Swatch” advertisement at PVR Priya (Delhi) theatre in 2000 — “Time is what you make of it”. I was so drawn to this tagline that I recall it even today.
I am going to capture the timelines, pivotal moments, the motivation behind my improved routine, and how I felt at various stages — a raw honest account of learnings, failures, and wins, aimed towards the journey of improvement. Well, the journey has just begun!
The beginning, and many failures:
Here’s a sheet I made, capturing the data from the mobile, since April 2022. There could be minor misses or omissions, but that doesn’t matter, it’s largely a reflection of the trend.
April 2022 — the month of initiation
Many people asked me if there was some trigger behind this “fitness” transformation. Now, there are a couple of things to note.
- This isn’t a fitness transformation (learned it much later, ~Nov/Dec’22).
- The trigger was largely internal (courtesy of YouTube).
As you can see from the chart, I started going to the gym just to explore what it could possibly (YouTube trigger) help with. It was a video by Jordan Peterson first and then a few related gym talks that left me bewildered, “Why is everyone talking about going to the gym?”
Must admit that I was quite hazy, muddled, shy and intimidated to enter the gym when you are a short pot-bellied semi-gorilla. But having decided to give it a try, I shut out other negative thoughts. I just have to go and keep going, I told myself.
April and May were just okay, they provided a platform to overcome the lazy wiring and do something rather than nothing. June was better, as you can see, with almost a 5x jump over May. If I recall, these were a few weak attempts at forming a habit, I was randomly doing some workouts but could figure that the brain wiring was changing a wee bit.
July/Aug — Fractured a bone on my right hand, yet went and did some cardio. Had surgery in Aug, and had to play safe for 3–4 weeks, physiotherapy, etc. This was a traumatising period, just when the rewiring was going on, the habit loop was broken, just like my bones and hopes.
September Rain
I was itching to get back to the gym, I remember meeting the surgeon for a follow-up and enquiring if the bone had healed and if I could restart working out. Post his green signal — I restarted exactly a year ago this time, the second week of September’22. It wasn’t easy though, as your mind plays dirty tricks — you are unsure if the healing is complete or you could end up damaging the arm again. By this time, due to non-usage of right arm, the left hand became even more dominant. Not that I am a leftist ;)
The routine was set and the habit formation was complete. I knew that I would turn up at the gym thrice a week (setting lofty goals won’t help). I had written down small, achievable, and measurable goals for the month. Around the same time, I started seeking more knowledge — started reading a lot more, watching more content and looking for other ways to improve myself. Incidentally, around Aug/Sept — I stopped watching porn completely (not that I was too much into it, the lockdown years were truant). For those who still do, quitting will change your life, be it a man or woman, but it affects men more!
By December, I had more clarity and confidence that I was on the right path and wanted to share whatever I had learned. Spoke to a couple of my college buddies and we formed a nice little WhatsApp group to maintain accountability and build on the path to improved wellness. In parallel, I also started disliking drinking and cut that down drastically. Thinking of the time and years when I was excessive on alcohol drives me to immense shame and guilt. I made a lot of terrible mistakes, and while I can’t take those back, I am still extremely apologetic about it. Today, I just don’t enjoy it and find it boring. It was around the same time that I came across a quote attributed to Socrates on exploring the true potential of a man. This resonated a lot and I was more determined to test myself and help others.
“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable”
I tested my resolve by not touching a drop at multiple office parties, stuck to my schedule of eating dinner on time and hitting the sack. Around this period, my sleep patterns settled in, and I started having solid baby-like sleep. I’ll do a separate blog on sleep and its importance soon, it’s something one shouldn’t ignore (like I did in the past). In some ways, Nov and December were the defining periods of transformation, as I tried new things that resonated with me — I intentionally practiced and still practice seed-retention(celibacy, brahmacharya), worked on controlling my emotions, getting a better hang of myself and the mind.
By Jan, I added cold water showers (or stopped hot water bath) to my routine. The first few days were tough but eventually I got used to it. Tested myself at Sakleshpur with a late evening cold water bath and then at Coorg. As of today, 90% is cold water bath, interspersed with some hot water indulgence.
Feb is when Rohan asked me to add running to my routine, did that regularly, though not as consistent as I would have liked. This added a lot more confidence in me as I was not a runner, a bit scared and thought would run out of breath soon. The first few runs were 300 to 700m non-stop and with some struggle. However, as time went by, doing the first 1 km, 3km, 5km and 10 plus (a few times) taught me a lot. Human endurance and potential has no limits — it’s just that we haven’t figured out for ourselves.
April — Yoga
Was keen on learning some form of martial arts (jujitsu) or something else to my schedule but couldn’t find anything close by. However, Yoga was always on the radar and easily accessible. It brought in terrific changes over the course of 4–5 months that I practiced (due to travel, I’ve had to pause this month). Body became stronger, more supple, better digestion and ablutions.
Rohan said, “If you sleep well and have an easy ablution in the morning, you are set”.
Yoga helped me develop better discipline in life and I intentionally fixed it for 7 AM batch instead of 9 AM. One has to sleep well the previous night, and wake up early to be able to handle the load for an hour thrice a week.
May to September
The routine amplified and I just continued the journey, adding better food and diet. Essentially, a lot of fruits was the main new addition and there’s aplenty on the table every day. At some stage, I was sort of addicted to eating fruits that the other food items hardly mattered. Coming to diet, I haven’t really been very scientific, strict or anal about it — definitely have had some aberrant indulgences, but rare. Just that after eating the shit stuff — you feel guilt and I go for some extra runs. Overloading yourself with that “perfect” way will likely not get you anywhere. You just make a start and the rest will fall in place, eventually.
Been a bit disappointing on the running front over the last few weeks, and hence trying to adjust my schedule to wake up earlier, say 530 and eventually try and move to 5. For those who are looking to ‘change’ — take it slow, look for minor incremental changes. Say, if you wake up at 7 and want to move it to 6, doing that suddenly will look daunting and impossible, because if you miss out a few times, you will fall back and lose interest. Hence keep small goals — waking up at 650 vs 7 is much easier and your brain will be re-programmed over time.
The boring man
Now, I am used to people calling me a ‘boring’ person, including my wife, one cannot escape it, that’s the downside. I avoid poker games, rush to the gym in the evening after office (incidentally, you will become more productive at work) irrespective of how I feel, I politely decline drink catch ups when some friends call. But the post workout feel makes up for it. Some of the recent new acquaintances I made were from the gym and yoga group.
It’s understood that people want to be around a fun, entertaining, party type of person rather than someone like me, particularly at this juncture of my life. I am not against drinking or partying, but if that’s the only way to socialise, I am not that inclined. Want to walk in a park, have a road-side chai, or juice, and have meaningful talks? Am all-in.
I guess it’s just a different phase of life and I hope to continue this way for as long as I can. There’s so much more to learn and discover, in the virtuous path to becoming better. I am also deeply motivated to helping anyone who aspires to change.
Just as time is what you make of it, only you can make yourself.
