Give the gift of better questions.
“We can judge our progress by the courage of our questions.” — Carl Sagan.
I’ve been reflecting on the recent passing of David Bowie, Prince, and now Muhammad Ali — all legendary in their own right. Over the years, I’ve been moved by the beautiful music of Bowie and Prince, and the inspiring sportsmanship of Ali.
To the world, they all had an amazing creative gift, which manifested in singing, songwriting, performing, storytelling, in sports, and in mobilizing millions of people around the world. I believe they had another gift. They shook up the world by asking the right questions — provocative, thoughtful, and audacious questions. The world is better for it.
I realize now that as much as their personalities and their craft have moved me, it was their ability to ask better questions through their work that I found and continue to find inspiring and compelling.
Their unique ability reminds me of another person whom I’m inspired by every day — my 14-month old daughter, Simi.
As adults, we grow impatient of questions, we sort of find them annoying (picture a kid asking ‘why?’ a hundred times), and find short cuts to answers — personally, professionally, even spiritually. Most adults don’t dwell in questions for long. When we find people around us — kids, team members, parents, friends, entrepreneurs, charitable leaders, elected officials, among others — struggling to make sense of something, we want them to move past questions quickly, and stick with answers or solutions.
Much of our institutions — educational, democratic, charitable, philanthropic, social, among others have shaped our lives to spend as little time with questions as possible. The social expectations are to be solution-oriented and “find the answers.” This conditioning has led to brilliant solutions to the wrong problems. The world is filled with these. I’m guilty of this, we all are.
When I’d see my daughter struggle with building blocks or making sense of something, I’d just want to give her the answer, it’s easier. But every time I did that, she would get frustrated with me. For a while, I couldn’t understand why. All I was trying to do was help her out, and make it easy for her.
I’ve realized…
She doesn’t want me to give her the answers. She wants me to give her better questions.
There are a variety of gifts we give to people and organizations advancing wellbeing and improving the state of our communities, including: gifts of time (volunteering), talent (pro-bono work), and treasure (donations). It’s time to introduce a new type of gift.
Let’s give one another the gift of better questions. It won’t be easy — the other gifts are easier. But a more audacious future demands it.
