The trauma of an Indian man
I really believe that the word “responsibility” has become an instrument of abuse like no other. For too long I have seen people in situations unpleasant and unproductive striving to achieve a goal which cannot be achieved on the path they follow. Few people though, all over the world are as traumatized by this as the modern Indian man.
In 1991, when the Indian economy changed its tune, we embraced the concept of a mixed economy. Unfortunately with that came many side effects. The one I wish to discuss is the mixed society it formed and it’s effect on Indian men.
You have to understand, today’s Indian social structure and rules and tradition are caught in the unfortunate place between free market individualism and socialism in a half baked globalised backdrop. Its a very uncomfortable place to be. We compare ourselves globally to our peers but the local resources are not being deployed to compete in that way.
Lets take a simple example of the modern Indian men. While feminists all over the world denounce marriage and cry about the pressures that women face in a marriage, many Indian men are secretly hoping that these feminists achieve their goals. You see, while I agree the pressure to marry and lead a domesticated life is huge on women, I believe it’s more so on men. Even the most conservative parent in India will expect a girl to resist marriage at least because of the scary changes it inflicts. But men are never expected to be so resistant and hesitant to this idea. The reasons behind this are so twisted, it speaks of a very sick society in itself.
- The existence of a man is defined by his ability to keep a family — let alone the fact that India hardly needs more children, this idea is too socialist in nature. The idea stems from a society where it was not good to aspire for what was considered impossible. In this day though, this i believe it’s hardly relevant to a person’s identity esp. when there is so much left to do in this country. If you look at most people who are successful in India you will actually find mostly bachelors. I am talking about the biggest names of course. I find this idea so in clash with modern individualism that it deals a huge trauma to anyone with a different than mass ideology. Good luck facing that backlash.
- Its a sexually repressed society. You probably haven’t done it. You must be rearing and ready to go — now you must face it this is true. This is one of the best ways the aged in our society hav maintained their control on us. If you can kill this basic Instinct in someone he is forever yours to command. Very few people break out of this cycle. Note many people will oppose this point and talk about the fact that there is a lot of activity behind the scenes. But that is where you are mistaken. The way this change is taking place its making it even worse. What was needed was an acceptance of the act and therefore a change in the basic level of how people feel about it. What is happening is that people are being very immature about it. What men and women in this country need is to feel what a real rational relationship is like. It must come with all the caveats and the benefits. And they must feel the freedom to ask for a change. That is still missing. So once you are married, you really are expected to stay put together in a mindless charade. And i don’t think this is working anymore. Though I see the girls taking more steps in this direction. But then that’s fine, they are expected to be revolutionary right now
- The biggest pressure that I have personally felt is the pressure to appear mentally sane. If you are a man who isn’t marrying soon enough, there is something really wrong with you. Companies don’t want to hire you. Nobody wants to rent their apartment to you. Ladies are scared of you. Children are suggested to steer clear. Even your friends are asked to learn life lessons as they look at your suffering. And they do.
If you have comfortably adapted to the malaise, you have done well. The adaptation comes with its own struggles that one must be willing to understand and appreciate. You have chosen your path and it makes sense. You have my sympathies as well as my jealousy — simply because you received a lot of help in your adaptation. Like that favourite uncle who took you to the bar and explained over alcohol how domestic rifts will always be there and that it cannot be helped.
Or if you are looking to break the cycle and continue in the path of great men who denied the world control … fight as if your life depends on it. Cos it probably does.
But my favourite people are those men who were caught in the malaise and have either broken out or are about to. You guys have seen the insanity on one side. Now go to the other side and see it from their eyes. Lol