This Modern Sisyphus Is Surprised Every Time the Boulder Rolls off the Hill

Chad Greiter

Some burdens never seem to lift. Even when I accept things are as they are and I’d better let go, life manages to surprise me. Oncoming problems appear to be new, but on close inspection, they’re the same old nuisance, just shifting shapes.

Like the impostor syndrome which never goes away: I set out to do something — start — have doubts — do it anyway — conclude doubts are inherent, and all I can do is keep on working — grow — get to the next level — feel fine — feel proud — have setbacks — have bigger doubts — return to a lower level — start again — grow — laugh at older setbacks — encounter new hurdle with a new name — start again — repeat everything all over again and again and again and again.

It’s not that the boulder keeps rolling off and crushing me; it’s that I should have known it was coming, yet I never do. I always, always forget.