In a nutshell

Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I want to be happy, sometimes I pretend to be just to make myself feel better about my situation. I have always been a hopeless romantic but nowadays it simply just doesn’t feel the same. You feel like you are forcing yourself to feel happy. Telling everyone how good things are yet every night it’s a battle whether you still want this or you want out. I’ve imagined myself independent so many times one day I’d be excited and positive about it and the next I’d dread the thought of ever being alone.

Granted, most people would agree on “what is she doing in this if she feels this way” but thing is, matters of the heart are hard to explain I try so hard to be strong like the girls I see on TV, packing and leaving with the slightest hint of mal treatment in a relationship, I on the other I’m not that strong girl, I am the insecure one, whose tried to tell themselves they are pretty one too many times in the mirror, crying picking out various body “mistakes” telling myself one day “you can work on this” and the next “who can work with this?”

I am the girl who falls madly inlove with a man who shows her some love but never stays prepared for when he falls out of love for her. She clings to the situation hoping one day he will love her like he did, a few weeks ago, a few months ago, a few years ago. It’s sad I know this about myself, because you’d think that’s where the change will begin but like I said I’m not like the strong girls. I’m just any girl, any human letting someone be my same mistake over and over again. One day I’ll get over this. I know it’s not today and it’s true there is no tomorrow.

Signed,

Me.