“Why didn’t you just use the unicorn emoji?”

I am not Jason Lemkin

A startup parody, parody.

TL;DR This isn’t going to make any sense to you if you don’t know who Jason Lemkin is.

Update: This happened…

Great, the last thing I wanted to happen.

And, I’m in no mood to put his bio or picture in this article.

Even if you know who he is, there’s a still a chance what follows won’t be funny to you.

In fact, just stop reading now — it might be for the best.

I haven’t thought this through, at all.

Crushing it

Maybe you drink from the fountain of Paul Graham, or fawn over Aaron Levie’s tech-analysis. Marc Cuban, he was on that Shark Tank show — you probably have him in, like, your top-5-list-of-entrepreneurs-that-you-want-to-be-like-one-day… no?

I mean, there’s a bunch of ’em out there. So much rich-person wisdom to sample from. You read their articles, watch their interviews, and religiously follow them on Twitter.

Mmmmm…Twitter.

You analyze every one of their messages. You start to rely on their endless barrage of brain-grenades.

“zOMG, they’re starting a THREAD. I can’t even.”

You begin to wonder if they are trying to, somehow, communicate with you, personally. It totally consumes you; you consistently over-scrutinize, looking for hidden meanings — you get a cold sweat when they STATE THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS.

Before you know it you’ve created a parody account, composed some satirical tweets, and written a Medium article about it.

Wait, what!?!

Here’s 10, no, 11 of my favorite not Jason Lemkin tweets

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Down round

With one follower, this twitter parody is trending towards viral.

I’m projecting 100% growth over the next 2 quarters (of an hour).

If you’d like to invest, click/tap that stupid new clappy thing.