Virginia Gilbert
Sep 6, 2018 · 2 min read

I live in a transitional, slowly gentrifying neighborhood, with neighbors who sometimes can’t pay their utility bills. We don’t socialize, although my husband and I invited our neighbors to one of our first barbecues. But we were never invited to their house or backyard, even when they had people over for cookouts.

Then they asked to use our hose for water, because their water was cut off when they didn’t pay the bill. Sure, we said. (Water bills are charged by the number of plumbing appliances in your home, not metered useage.) But after a day or so, I agreed to lend them the $150 to pay off the bill. Bad mistake. They continued to ask to wash our car when they needed $20 for groceries, but they rarely offered to pay on their debt to us. I think I finally forgave the debt.

They were, in other respects, very good neighbors, always coming over to shovel snow from our walk and asking if we had any yard work (for which we paid them). And they kept watch over our house when we were out of town.

A couple years later, they asked for $300 to pay the gas bill. Like a fool I agreed, with the stipulation that they pay it off every month. They moved 2 weeks later and we haven’t heard from them again. I have learned, from others as well as these neighbors, that the best way to sever ties with someone who often borrows $10-$20 from you “til payday” is to lend them several hundred dollars for which you truly need repayment. After a couple months of holding them to their promise of repayment, they disappear.

I have a new definition of “friend” now. Regardless of who you go out to hear music with or who you go to church with or who you lend money to, your true friends are those that you feel comfortable asking if they would water your plants while you’re out of town.

    Virginia Gilbert

    Written by

    Retired journalist, occasional preacher with two seminary degrees, wannabe ethics writer. Born and reared in MO Bootheel; moving from St. Louis to Chicago.